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I didn’t want to know the details. I wasn’t sure I could handle it right now.
Pete walked into the room, just hanging up a call. “I just spoke with the gang unit. They’ve been keeping tabs on the place for the past two weeks. Our guy on the inside said that Rico hit these guys up for a deal on some kind of chemical?—”
“Mustard gas,” I interrupted. “I was with him, but I didn’t know what it was until the deal was done. It was just a sample, but Rico was looking for a big score.”
“Well, he got it,” Pete announced. “Apparently, he sold them half a mil of mustard gas and already paid half up front. Rico was supposed to deliver the product and would be paid for the rest, but he never showed.”
“And that’s when they threatened Skylar,” I surmised.
“And she didn’t know who the message was for,” Pete continued. “Rico never made the drop and they took Parker for it. According to the inside man, he’s being held on the fourth floor, apartment 418. He doesn’t have eyes on the kid, but from what he knows, he’s still alive.”
“How many guys do they have inside the building?” Jason asked.
“Twenty spread throughout the building.”
The back door opened and Johnny walked in, shutting the doorbehind him. He gave me a pointed look, then headed to the room I had been staying in. “Be right back,” I said, shoving away from the counter.
I could feel Rafe’s eyes on me the whole way. No, this was not the ideal way to carry out an op, but if I didn’t take the edge off, I wasn’t going to be able to function. I shut the door behind me, licking my lips as if I could already feel the drugs hitting my bloodstream. I was fucking desperate for a hit.
“You got it?”
“Of course I did,” Johnny snapped. “Fuck, I never thought I’d see the day I’d be feeding you drugs.”
“Just give it to me,” I said, my patience wearing thin. I couldn’t stop wiping my hands on my jeans. With every second that passed, the shaking intensified to an unbearable level. I was going out of my mind.
Johnny grabbed the clear packet and tossed it my way. I nearly dropped it, my hands were shaking so bad. I walked over to the desk, swiping the crap off it in my haste to get the drugs into my system. I was like a wild animal attacking my prey, and it wasn’t until I was all set up that I remembered Johnny standing there. The anger on his face had me rethinking for all of two seconds, but the need was too great. I turned away from him as I snorted it, slightly ashamed that he was witnessing me at this low point.
I sat back and took a deep breath, feeling the rush of the drugs freeing me from the worst of the pain.
“Wipe your fucking nose,” Johnny spat. “We have to go.”
He stormed out of the room while I cleaned myself up. When I stepped into the kitchen, it was clear they all knew exactly what I’d been doing. Even Pete shook his head in disgust. Not that I expected anything different from him. None of them fucking understood. It was easy for them to judge me. They hadn’t just been fed an addictive drug in some twisted form of torture.
As I strode past Rafe, he grabbed my arm, shaking his head at me. “You shouldn’t be going in. Not when you’re fucked up.”
I jerked my arm out of his grasp. “I should put a fucking bullet in your head,” I hissed. “When this is done, you never contact me again. I don’t give a fuck if you’re dying. You’re already dead to me.”
“I saved your life,” he called out.
I spun, grabbing him by the collar and hauling him up, throwing him against the wall. “You fucking ruined my life, and I let you. That’s on me. But strapping me to a table and injecting that shit into my body?” I shook my head in disgust. “I would have rather been beaten to death.”
I turned and stormed out of the house, feeling a little less on edge than I was five minutes ago. I wasn’t fucked up enough not to think clearly, but this shit was definitely slowing my body down. It was a fucking terrible drug to have in my system when other people were relying on me. If my reactions were off even a fraction of a second, it could get my teammates killed.
Jason stopped me right as I was about to get in the vehicle. “Give me your gun.”
“What?”
“You can go, but there’s no fucking way you get a gun.”
I stared at him, not willing to give in. There was no way I was heading in without protection.
He lowered his voice, leaning in closer. “I get why you did it, but I don’t want a bullet in the back of the head because you’re too fucked up to shoot straight. You go in, you get the kid, but that’s it. Give me your gun, or I will lay you out right now and tie your ass to a chair in that fucking house.”
The threat in his voice was enough to make me concede. He was right, and as much as I didn’t want to go in unarmed, I had to think of what was best for my guys, even if my brain was fucking with me, telling me I had this. I slowly pulled out my weapon and handed it over.
He nodded, taking it from me. “We’ll get him back and then get you straight.”
“Two tangos down,”I whispered, my breathing ragged as the drugs started to wear off.
