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“It’s too late for something real for me,” I said softly. “I’m too damaged. But it’s not too late for you.”
He jerked his head back. “You’re seriously trying to end us after today?”
“I am ending it. There is no us, not in a romantic sense.” There couldn’t be.
I moved my hands to his and pressed against his hold. His physical hold. I had a feeling I would never escape the longing, the memories, or the desire.
“Let’s just be friends again,” I said. “We can see each other at the gym. Talk on the phone—”
“We can’t be just friends.” He slashed through the tenuous thread of that hope.
“Please,” I said.
He’d given me back pieces of myself that I’d thought were gone forever. Being forced to retreat behind my wall again with only my memories and a pile of regrets for company would crush me.
“No, Addy. No way.” Giving me a hard look that shook my wall at the foundation, he removed his hands and took a step back.
“I’m sorry,” I said, but didn’t move. I wanted his forgiveness at least. “Please say you forgive me.”
“I can’t believe this.” He shook his head. “That you would even think it’s possible to return to being just friends. I won’t do it. It’s not what’s best for us.”
“But—”
“No.” Barry jerked his head toward the door. “Go if you must.”
His voice didn’t rise in volume. Although he was angry, he was holding it back. I could feel his restraint.
“Now, Addy,” he roared, though he didn’t raise his voice. “Before I change my mind, say to hell with what you want, and do something we both might regret.”
“Okay.”
I slid off the island on my own. Tears coursing down my cheeks, I managed to move somehow. I made it across the kitchen, but I looked back to steal one more glance.
Barry wasn’t looking at me. He had his hands on the island. His head was lowered, and his strong body was bowed like I’d broken him.
It was a last look I wished I hadn’t taken.
Addy
Regret my familiar companion, I staggered up the stairs to Barry’s apartment. I retrieved my clothing and put it on in a daze.
As I folded his shirt, tears blurred my eyes. I pulled it to my face to inhale his spicy green leather scent one last time. Forcing myself to let it go, let him go, I placed the shirt on his bed and turned away.
The alarm chirped when I left his apartment. Barry probably heard it again when I exited the restaurant, but he didn’t try to stop me. I didn’t see him on my way out.
If only I’d heeded the alarm bells going off inside me when he’d first appeared. But I hadn’t heeded them because I hadn’t wanted to. Already, the pain nearly crippled me as I paid the penalty for another mistake.
I didn’t remember getting in my SUV or driving it, which was dangerous, like all the rest. I was aware. But the lonely route that took me back to Footit’s was familiar.
Entering through the rear door, I gripped my keys in one hand and punched in the alarm code with the other. The back corridor was dimly lit. The dressing rooms were empty. It would be hours before we opened. I had some time to try to get myself together.
Emerging from the shadows, I stepped into the well-lit main space, and it took my eyes a moment to adjust. I didn’t see my sister at first, but she saw me.
“What’s wrong?” Rachel asked.
Without giving me time to brace, she threw her arms around me and crushed me to her as Barry’s words ran through my mind.
We can’t be just friends.
