AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Will you agree to counseling?” He squeezed my fingers.
“Yes.” I didn’t think it would do any good, but I would agree to anything to get this painful reunion and terrible good-bye over with. “And you should go. I want you to go on with your life. Forget about me.”
“I don’t want to leave.” His eyes hardened to stone. “I’ll never forget you.”
Barry had gotten me to agree to something he believed was good for me, and yet he remained. He hadn’t changed.
His expression anguished, he said, “I can’t believe you want me to go.”
But he had to go.
“You’re my best friend, Addy,” he said. “Where you are is where I belong. I’m my best self with you. And I think you need me too.”
“I was your best friend. You are your best self. You don’t need me. And anyway, grown men and women can’t be best friends like boys and girls can.”
I forced coolness into my tone, even though Barry flinched. It was harsh of me to throw his words back at him. But I needed him to go. It was too difficult to resist the intense need to comfort him and to be comforted by him in return.
“I want you to go.”
I plowed ahead, trying not to think about how devastated I would be when he was gone. Instead, I focused on how much better off he would be without me.
“Go, knowing you’re giving me what I want. Go, knowing I wish you well. Go, knowing I’ll always remember you and our friendship fondly.”
“Addy, don’t do this.” His voice and his expression were rough like his hands. “Don’t shut me out. You did that, babe, for months, and those months killed me.”
It had killed a part of me too. And that part was too damaged and weak to resurrect. It was a mercy to both of us to end this now.
“Good-bye, Barry.” I slipped my fingers from his, and this time he didn’t hold on. This time he let me go because he believed it was what I wanted. And he had to know that it was for the best.
He turned away after another long look at me. I curled my fingers tightly into my palms, resisting the impulse to say I was sorry, that I’d made a mistake. To retract it all.
I couldn’t lean on him anymore. It wouldn’t be right. I couldn’t lean on anyone now. Distance between Barry and me was what I’d needed to accomplish, and I had done that.
For this next phase of my life, I had to be on my own.
Addy
“He seems to care about you a lot,” Grace said.
I didn’t turn around to look at her, nor did I need to ask who she meant. It was obviously Barry.
“He was my best friend.”
More tears came that burned as much as the previous ones. I heard crinkling paper, and her steps behind me.
Reluctantly, I released the curtain. It fell back into place, blocking my view. From the window in Miranda’s room, I’d watched Barry go, watched him walk the length of the drive, watched him fold his big frame into a silver sports car with wings on the hood that had been parked just outside the gate.
Apparently, he’d finished the Camaro he’d been working on. I’d lost myself all these months. I’d lost time. I’d lost him.
Had he painted it silver for me? Probably not. The wings on the hood were an eagle’s wings, not a butterfly’s. An eagle’s wings represented freedom—freedom he now had from me. Besides, a butterfly’s wings wouldn’t be cool for a guy’s car. I wasn’t cool. But he was, and he was better off away from me.
“If he’s a true friend,” Grace said, “then he’ll remain one after you do what you need to process.” She moved behind me and put her hand on my shoulder.
I didn’t flinch. In the time I’d spent in her house, I’d become accustomed to her, and she had become accustomed to me. But we weren’t friends, and I knew I didn’t belong here. Not long term.
“I don’t know if going to a shelter is really necessary.” I swiped aside the tears, but not the terrible feeling that Barry had just left my life forever. “I need to get a job. Take care of myself. Move on with my life.”
I turned around, and her hand slipped from my shoulder.
