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The awkwardness.
“This okay?” I asked while brushing her shoulder and fumbling with her tank top, all while trying to figure out what the hell I was doing at sixteen. I tugged down the white strip across her shoulder, my hands ached as I grazed my fingertips against her skin.
She exhaled while I nearly stopped breathing.
This.
She leaned into me and I knew, I would give up everything for her, I would give up being an idol, I would give up my lessons that my parents put thousands of dollars into.
All for her exhale.
“Yes.” She whispered as she fell back on the bed.
I hovered over her, pressing her arms against the mattress. “Are you sure?”
We were sixteen.
Idiots.
And yet I kept talking, kept moving, kept thinking that it would be okay.
She nodded her head. “Please.”
I reached for her head and pulled her into me. I had no condom, I had no protection between us. All I had was us.
And I told myself.
I justified what we were doing.
It was okay, because we were in love.
Months later, I realized how damning love could be.
Because she miscarried, and at sixteen I covered it up. I told everyone I was innocent, and my label believed it.
Poor, innocent, Sookie.
Me.
A guy who’s never even kissed a girl.
Except, I got one pregnant and almost lost everything before I even debuted.
But sure, yes, so innocent.
Sookie.
Innocent Sookie.
I’m pissed, irritated as hell as I storm back into the house, momentarily forgetting that since filming has already commenced, they’ve probably turned on all cameras. I hope the ones outside aren’t on, because they would have heard everything between Ari and I.
I’m relieved when I see one of the PA’s walk out with tech. Thank God. The film crew’s still checking some equipment and setting things up for the rest of the girls interviews.
“Quiet on set!” Simon calls again while Lucas and Grace walk up and read the lines from the prompter. Lucas goes first and asks one of the fans what her ideal type is and what she’s hoping to get out of this experience.
She has a white headband pulling her dark hair back, she’s wearing a yellow dress and black ballet flats.
She’s officially a bumble bee.
