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Siu paid for all of her medical bills after the show.
I just wanted her to live.
So did the rest of the guys. Life isn’t always about your own, but living for others. I really, really, need her to live, and I need to live for her.
She nods her head at me from the crowd and I pray in my head. I manifest. I speak to the universe.
Please, don’t take her.
This is for her. This song. This performance.
I slowly walk onto the stage and hold out my hand. She grips it. “You’re a rebellious one these days, Sookie.”
“Only for you,” I answer as tears stream down both our faces. I pick her up into my arms and set her in the chair in the middle of the stage as both groups come out to alarmingly loud screams.
“It’s been a rough few weeks, but one thing we know is that this brought us together in ways we never expected,” Rae says.
Suho pipes up. “We’re proud to be SWT’s juniors and proud to collaborate on our first song… for Dueri.”
Everyone pulls off their black jackets and shows a shirt that says. “For Dueri.”
And we start to sing.
My rap part is amazing and I know that the only reason I was able to be on stage was because of Ari.
We’ll be okay.
Everything will be okay even when it’s hard. But right now, my job as an idol is to make Dueri’s life worth living.
So we sing to her.
We sing, we win the showcase. The winning isn’t about a trophy. It’s about a life worth living, it’s about looking at every single day and saying it’s hard, but my choice is yes, and in this industry it’s a hard one to say yes to, it’s hard, so hard, but she showed us, even after filming so much.
“Why do you like the sun?” I asked three months later when we were done filming, and it was hot as hell. When both of our albums killed it on Billboard, when we set records after scandal, when all of it didn’t seem to matter as much as her sitting in the sun.
She twirled in the warm wind and looked over at me with her Yankees hat on from Ari and said, “Because it shines, Sookie. It shines, just like you.”
I had no clue what to say. I just stared at her and asked, “What’s so great about the sun shining… about me?”
She walked up to me and grabbed my hand then put it on her face. “Because sometimes, all you need is a little warmth.”
“Okay,” I said, gripping her hand. “I get it.”
“You don’t,” she said right away with a laugh, one that would stay in my soul for an eternity, weird how I felt like I waslost in Seoul, and this random fan found me when I needed it the most. “But you will, one day you will understand that sometimes all you need is one moment, maybe the sun shining on my face is mine.” She looked up at the sky. “I like it. I feel it. Hope. What a great word, Sookie. Hope that no matter how dark things look, you have light.”
I had no clue that falling for my best friend’s sister would lead us to a Grammy nomination with the very group that I hated, but I do know, that when I accept that award which I know we will because I have faith, that it was because Dueri was in heaven fighting for us, like she always did.
“Idol of idols…” she’d whispered.
“No,” I often whisper back just in my own head as if she’s still with us. “Strength and resilience. Inspiration.”
“It was a good kiss.” She reached for my hand in the end, her grip was weak. “It was a really good kiss. It tasted like hope.”
The one word I hated so much my entire life.
Was her ending.
My salvation.
