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I want to stay for her.
What’s even happening?
I keep thinking about my dancing and almost fainting on stage, only to faint again and hear voices but, am I okay? Alive?
I slowly open my eyes.
The room is blurry or maybe it’s my eyes. It’s white all around me. Oh shit, did I die? I blink my eyes over and over again, but the blurriness remains until I finally just keep them squeezed shut.
If I’m in Heaven it sucks.
If I’m in hell, well that’s why my eyes won’t work.
I hear talking.
“I didn’t know.” Rae’s voice sounds. “Obviously. And I’m scared, I’m so scared not for the group but for you. You coded man, your heart literally stopped for over a minute an arrythmia apparently. I thought you were dead and all I kept thinking was that I left angry, so fucking angry, and you’re laying there lifeless on the ground while my sister screams your name with me. I never want to experience that again. I know you’re alive and breathing, but I really need you to wake up.”
I move my fingers for him then open my eyes. “I can’t see well.”
All I see is blond hair and a tall body lunging for my bed. “You can talk?”
“I’m human.”
“I mean, they weren’t sure about brain damage or anything.” Rae says, voice cracking, then he starts shaking and bawling over me. “I didn’t know. I don’t ever want to experience this again. Shit.”
I try to reach for his hand, but he grabs mine first.
“I was wrong for not telling you.” I rasp.
“Yes.” He agrees, which isn’t shocking, that’s just Rae. “But, I get why you didn’t and I’m sorry I reacted that way.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say something first.” I turn my head to the side. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Can you hand me that water right there or ice chips because I’m gonna go crazy.”
He hands me the ice chips as more knocks come on the door. I’m still blurry but my eyes focus on one person.
Her.
I hold out my left hand.
Ari rushes to the bed and pulls me into her arms and starts sobbing. “You were coding or it seemed like you were, and I didn’t know, I didn’t know—”
I hold her as tight as I can. “I’m okay.”
“No.” She’s shaking in my arms. “I can’t lose you. I won’t survive it, fuck the haters.”
I want to laugh, but I feel too weak. “Yeah, I’m sure they’ll respond well to that.”
Rae stands and looks over at us. “I’ll go get the doctor, the guys have all been standing outside for hours, both groups, Suho had to be pulled back because it looked like he was seconds away from hitting a doctor for not letting me in.”
“Suho.” I laugh and it hurts my lungs. “Always Suho.”
“He talked to me,” Rae whispers. “He told me a truly good leader never abandons their teammates, which I’ve always known but he asked me how hard it’s really been compared to the success and said I’ve been weighing them against each other. I’ve been so focused on making sure you guys succeed that I’ve forgotten about my first job.”
“Your first job?”
