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Sniffling, she smiled. “No one has ever apologized to me before.” More tears filled her eyes. “Thank you for such an honor.”
I was able to give another first to my girl. Deep inhale…
That night, in the quiet moments that lingered, some sort of shift happened in me. I guess you could say it was a decision. My woman was hiding in a closet, reverting back to the way she had been when she was locked up after not behaving like the perfect slave or abducted victim. Everything in her life, except Mammy and her one biker friend, taught her the opposite of what I believed her to be. This was going to be a long process, breaking her free of the conditioning those horrendous men forced upon her.
I thought of Brass and Sweets, and how they reacted earlier to Elle’s screaming. They’d walked this path before me.
Then I thought of my mom, Souls are stronger than blood… and a new strength filled me.
Staring into Elle’s soul mirrors confirmed she was the perfect girl for me. I knew that I was going to love her until the end of time. I knew I would do anything to help her.
With this leap of faith, I couldn’t hold back my own tears, so I surrendered to them. “I’m never giving up on us.”
“I’m… broken.”
“Your heart, yes, but not that spirit. Not your soul. Damaged maybe, but like the scars on your back, that can be beautiful, too.”
She burst into tears.
I insisted, “The ‘damaged’ parts of you are part of what makes you so extraordinary. You’ll never take everyday blessings for granted. Every drink, every bit of food is something you treasure—”
Through tears, she finally giggled, “Except McDonald’s.”
Through tears, I laughed, too. “I can’t argue with you on that one. I’m not sure there is an ounce of nutrition in it.” I shook her hands to get us back on track. “But your outlook—your appreciation of things, how amazing is that?”
Tears trembled in her eyes. “I don’t know. Do you understand?”
I was honest with her. “No, but I will. We will keep talking so that I can understand more of your past, to help you with your future.” I kissed her hands. “You’re teaching me they are all deeply connected.”
“You have a club to run. You don’t need my handicaps.”
“I only need you.”
“But—”
“You dreamt of me, Elle.”
It was the winning point of the argument because there was no denying its divinity.
Her not saying anything, I promised, “You’re worth this fight, Elle. I swear it.”
Nowhere near convinced, she whispered, “I’m trying to believe you.”
I let out a shaky breath. I was scared for her. I sensed how much she didn’t believe me. “Keep trying, babe. Just… keep trying.”
Her eyes were red and frightened, but this life warrior kept fighting. “I will. I just get so confused.”
Since I was committing to Elle, in a way not many men have to a woman, since they were most likely not raised in such depravity, I decided now was as good a time as any to move forward. “What are your first memories?”
Trembling lips smiled. “Mammy.”
So proud of this brave woman, I said, “Tell me more. Tell me all about this wonderful mammy.”
Elle’s eyes lit up, although her tears hadn’t stopped. For hours she told me of drawings… her mammy’s beautiful smile… and of dancing. She told me about having to always be quiet… that dancing with earphones was a ruse… and that Da had pushed Mammy to her death.
That night I had with Elle was so special, taking steps forward, but it was also terrifying. Through all her stories, I was beginning to understand her obsession with coloring books and her ‘confusion’ with so many other things. Aspects of life confused this woman because she’d never experienced them.
I still didn’t know much about ‘Da,’ but it was easy to guess he was a pedophile with no regard for any human life but his own.
