AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I grit my teeth at the sound of her voice, my imagination didn’t do it justice. That same husky tone that burrows into my fucking soul and I hear every night in my dreams. For once in my life I can't even find the words. I point to the pushchair and she swallows, her mouth opening and closing. “He's not yours.” She finally says and something in my chest rips. Something about the way she says it has me unsure if she's being truthful. I step to look into the pram, her dog lets out a growl. I ignore it. I can tell instantly he's not mine. A baby boy with straight black hair, the same bright green eyes as Casimira and pale skin much lighter than his mom's looks up at me curiously. I swallow. He looks just like her.
“How old is he?” I don’t even recognise my voice. It's void of all emotion, robotic. The dog growls at me again and she pulls his lead back. I look at it now. He’s a big fucking pitbull with a wide black collar around his thick neck. His light blue eyes on me, teeth bared like it’s ready to attack if he thinks I’m a threat to them. My gut tightens. It probably belongs to her new man. They probably got it together. Something cold settles over me when I look back at her. Bitterness creeping into my soul. Real picture-perfect life she's got herself now.
“Enzo, please can we not do this here?” Maybe it's the tone of her voice that has me looking a bit deeper but I see it. Her eyes are wrong, all wrong. Broken. Lifeless. Her face is gaunt like she's lost weight under all those layers and she has the darkest circles under her eyes like she hasn’t slept properly in months.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and Luca's deep timbre as he mummers close to my ear. “You're drawing a crowd.” Only then do I notice the passers-by have stopped to stare at the tense situation.
I swallow the rage down. The kid looks old enough that it’s a possibility he was conceived whilst we were together. If that is the case, not even god could help the man who fathered this child.
I point at her, “I'll see you tonight.” She actually flinches from me. She looks fucking terrified. My eyebrows draw together as I look over her. She flinched, from me. It makes me want to run to her and tell her I'd never actually hurt her, but I don't. I turn on my heel and get back into our car. Luca hasn't even closed his door fully before I floor the gas. I need to get out of here before I decide I don’t care about the bystanders and drag her home with me so she can explain.
“What are you planning on doing tonight, Enzo?” Luca’s condescending tone angers me further.
“Shut the fuck up,” I growl. My head is pounding, threatening to rip apart everything I have and am.
He lets out a breath. “I can't believe I'm the one saying this, but be logical. Where can you go from here? She fucking left you.”
“Yeah, and I want to hear why from her. Then she can get the fuck out of my city.”
He looks at me, really looks at me. Picking me apart like he doesn't understand me anymore. “You’ll do something you’ll regret.”
“Did I fucking ask for your opinion?” I shout. He shakes his head leaning back in his seat and lights a cigarette.
Later that night, I arrive at Casimira’s building. When I ring the buzzer it doesn’t open and she leaves me there standing like an idiot again until she appears minutes later. The same terrified look on her face and that lifeless look in her eyes. I want to know what the fuck put that in her.
She pushes the door open and stands in front of me, close enough to touch. I want to reach for her but I don't. I stand with my hands in my pockets, glowering down at her.
She rubs her arms through her thick jacket. “Can we sit in your car?” Even her voice sounds wrong.
I turn and walk towards my Bentayga. I climb behind the wheel and she follows, getting into the passenger seat. Her body language is all wrong. Her arms are wrapped around her, her knees pointing away from me. She’s trying to make herself look smaller and it’s seriously pissing me off, this isn't her. She’s not timid, she's larger than life, not scared of anything.
“I don’t know where to start.” She finally says, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
“From the beginning.”
She lets out a steadying breath, wringing her hands. “I got a call when you left to talk to your father, Aleksy. He-“ She stops herself, looking up at the roof of the car and closing her eyes before squaring her shoulders. “He killed himself.”
Fuck.
“I couldn’t think, I just left and flew home. It wasn’t until I got home and had decompressed for a few days that I thought maybe it was fate.” She lets out a hollow laugh, shaking her head as a tear slips free. “I couldn’t think straight. I was going to ring you and explain but I couldn’t be the reason you and your family went to war. I couldn’t live with myself if someone got hurt and you had to experience the pain I was feeling. I just, I-“ She stammers like she can't find the words. She lets out a noise of frustration before carrying on. “So instead, I sent you that text. I thought we would just go our separate ways. You could get married and fulfil your commitments and nobody else would get hurt.”
I let out a disbelieving laugh. “I fulfilled my commitments alright.” She flinches like I've burned her. “I was married five minutes before I was made a widow.” My bitterness bleeds into my tone. I still see Isla’s blank face sometimes when I close my eyes. I still hear that first gunshot that went through her head in my sleep. Still feel the weight of her death on my shoulders along with everything else.
She finally faces me, her lips parted. “Enzo, I didn’t know.” She couldn’t have known. It was kept under wraps, it wasn't covered in the media. Nobody outside of our circle knew about it. Me and Sean Murphy made sure of it.
“It doesn’t matter.” I snap. “You should have told me about Aleksy. I would have come with you.” I can't help but get angry again. I'm not sure who I'm even angry at, maybe myself. I wasn’t there for her. I can't imagine how she was feeling, Alek was her whole world.
Tears start freely rolling down her cheeks. “If I could go back and change it. Enzo, I would. I never stopped loving you.” She takes a sharp intake of breath. I couldn’t hate this girl if I tried. I still love her. I still want to protect her but my feelings don’t change the fact she's had another man's child.
“How old is he?” I ask again. She takes another shuddering breath. “Just let me explain and don’t interrupt.” She looks at me with wide, scared eyes. I nod. I could never fucking hurt her even if I wanted to.
“When I went back to London, I stopped taking the pill, I wasn’t with you so there was no point. Aleksy’s funeral was horrific. I drank way more than I should have to numb myself. Tom was there.” She grits her teeth like it's physically hurting her to say the words. “He cornered me in the bathroom and I was too drunk to fight him off. He raped me.” My blood runs cold.
Everything goes silent.
My world just stops spinning.
“I’ll kill him.” It comes out like a whisper, my voice breaking. I have to focus on my breathing because my vision is starting to darken at the corners. How could anyone want to do that to her? She's sweet and she's kind and she’s trusting. I don't understand how someone could look at her and want to hurt her like that. Did he hold her down? Did her cries not split open his chest? Fuck. My eyes start to burn and I aggressively scrub a hand at my forehead. My thoughts racing, my heart heavy and aching. My hand smashes into the steering wheel as I try my best not to completely split apart at the seams.
