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“Leave that to me, go get some things together and I'll drop you at the airport.”
I look at her, really look at her. My mum. The memory of her black and blue face flashes in my mind, the months following the incident when she wouldn’t get out of bed or eat unless me and Alek forced her to. He and I ended up bouncing between our Babcia and Aunty's house for years afterwards because Mum just couldn't function. She's nothing like the woman she was back then. She was a shell, barely alive. She's vibrant now, happy, free. I won't let history repeat itself with me, I'm gone.
Her eyes soften more and she wraps me in a hug again. “Casimira, I love you so much. I can't see this happen to you, not to you. You can't stay, you need to leave. Please leave.” She begs, her voice cracking. Only then does it hit me she thinks I'll stay with Tom after this. She thinks because she didn't leave my father, I won't leave Tom. But it's different. I saw what it did to her. That was my saving grace, witnessing it happen to the woman I love the most. They don't change.
“I will, I promise.” I sob as I clutch her tighter, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the fact I may not see her for a while but also overwhelmed at the thought of leaving London, Leaving Aleksy, Leaving Tom. I grip her and just savour the smell of her perfume. The warmth of her. The feel of her wool cardigan against my tender cheek.
She lets me go, wiping her face. “Right, go. We have to be quick about this.” I don't linger. I don't even shower in case I change my mind. I change out of my bloody clothes, pulling on green jogging bottoms and the matching sweatshirt. I shove as many clothes as I can into a suitcase, emptying my safe and putting my passport and cash into a handbag. I put on a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap to hide the gruesome mess that is my face before rushing back downstairs where my mum waits with her car keys.
21
Casimira
Present-day
Manhattan, New York City
The buzzing of my phone wakes me up. I roll over to grab it from the bedside table and groan when I see it’s 3 a.m. but click answer anyway.
I roll back onto my back, closing my eyes again. “Hello?”
“Open the door,” Enzo says and I sit up immediately.
I rub at my eyes wondering if I heard him right. “What?”
“I’m outside, let me in.” I throw the covers off and jump out of bed. I half-trip over a pair of shoes strewn on my bedroom floor and practically tumble to the front door with half-open eyes. I make a mental note to tidy my bedroom at some point this week as I unlock the door, taking the chain off before opening it up. I squint up at the light streaming in from around his silhouette. He's leaning his forearms against the top of the doorframe in his suit, his dark curls a little messy. Now this is something I don’t mind being woken up for on my night off.
I hold my arms out and he steps in wrapping his arms around me and pulling me off my feet. The smell of him envelops me as I nuzzle into his neck.
“Everything okay?” I mumble into his neck.
He kicks the door shut behind him and I wrap my legs around his waist.
He inhales before speaking. “Just a long day, I needed to see you.” I smile even wider, I only saw him this morning but I already missed him.
I pull back to look at him even though it's dark. The moonlight illuminates half of his face, making his cheekbones look sharper. I lean down and kiss him as he carries me back into my bedroom, shouldering the door closed behind him and collapsing on my bed. The bed groans under his weight.
“You can surprise me like this every night,” I whisper.
He wraps his arms around me tight and exhales. “I missed you.”
“Me too.” I breathe before pulling back and starting to unbutton his shirt. He lifts his body so I can take his shirt off before toeing his shoes off and pulling his trousers down. I catch a glimpse of his profile and he looks tired, worn down.
He practically falls back into my bed, his head hitting the pillow as I crawl in next to him and snuggle into him. I pull the covers over us and he pulls me close, pressing a kiss on my forehead. I never would have guessed how tender he could be with me. It doesn’t seem possible that this man, who probably has more blood on his hands than a butcher, can make me feel so safe. He makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world. Like I’m the only one who matters to him.
I’m falling hard and fast for this man and I can’t say I’m scared anymore. I’m letting myself freefall because nothing has ever felt more natural to me. When I'm with him, it’s like that’s where I’m meant to be. Where I'm always meant to be.
His breathing evens out and deepens as he falls asleep. I lay there with my head against his chest listening to his heartbeat and memorising the steady rhythm.
∞
When I peel my eyes open in the morning I’m graced with the sight of Enzo’s peaceful face as he sleeps next to me. The room is still dim with just a ray of sunlight peeping through the curtains. His lips are slightly parted and his face is smooth, the tension from the day completely gone.
I brush his leg with my own by accident and he stirs, jolting. He does this every single time we sleep in the same bed. It’s like he forgets he’s not alone until he spots me and relaxes. He pulls me on top of him and plants his hands on my hips. I sit up and stroke my thumb over his cheeks as his eyes peel open. He’s stupidly handsome when he’s still sleepy. I don’t think it's fair for someone to be this blessed.
His lips are slightly puffy, his eyelids still heavy. “You’re staring.” I’ve come to really love his sleepy voice. It’s a little different from his sex voice. A little softer and quieter but still sounds as if it’s being dragged over gravel.
“You're cute when you’ve just woken up.” I shrug, running my thumb over his puffy lips.
