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“You think?” I said now that my inhibitions were drowned in alcohol. “I’m a shit man, Goliath. I’m not like you, put together and always looking out for everyone. What if I fail?”
“You can’t. You have a child on the way.”
“That doesn’t help.”
“You start by pulling your pretty head out of your ass.” He pointed at my chest. “You start taking thefamigliaseriously and grow up. It’s hard, but it’s going to be worth it when you have a son or a daughter that will be proud of who their dad is.”
“Wise words for someone who doesn’t even like children.”
Goliath let out a load roar, probably remembering the last time he had that talk… when him and his ex-girlfriend, Chiara, decided not to have children. Now she was on the other side of Palermo, raising her son with another man. The big man never recovered after breaking things off with her.
“I don’t want any, but I love Giovani’s children. I’ll love yours too.” He laughed. “I’m a great uncle.”
“You’re not a bad brother either.”
“No, I’m not. Now, take me to your… what is she? She’s not a wife.”
“Not yet.”Yet? Why the fuck did I say that? When didthatbecome a possibility? “She’s my peace.”
Goliath looked at me with crossed eyes and when he got tired of trying to make sense of that, he pushed me to the side and roamed through my house until he found Pina and hugged her.
Chapter 11
Garon came back home drunk, but I didn’t care about that. He came backhappy.
I was woken up in the middle of the night by Goliath of all people, who shook me until I opened my eyes and gave me a tight hug. He didn’t stay for chit-chat, just told me to take care of myself and go to him if Garon gave me any problems before he walked back out the house and left.
After that, I had my hands full with Garon who was great practice for when the baby would arrive because I had to change him, wash his face, put him to bed, and hold him because every three minutes he tried to get up and go God knows where.
“Are you happy,Piccolina?” He asked, while he was nibbling on my neck.
“I…” It was a deep question and I was distracted by his lips, so I took a moment to think about it. “I am.” Nothing in my life has turned out the way I thought it would. In less than a year everything I thought I knew about the future was demolished down by the brutal claws of reality, but somehow I made it to the other side.
I was still too young to have a baby, but it was happening. A littlebambinowas growing inside my body and maybe it would have my hair and Garon’s eyes. That was enough to make anyone happy.
“I want you happy.” He said, slowly falling asleep. “I’ve caused you enough pain.”
After that, the bedroom fell into deep silence and I laid down looking at the ceiling while Garon slept off the booze. My mind was racing and I was caught between the hope that this was real; that I finally got to be with the man that had my heart in his palm for years and we’ll have a chance to build a life together, and the fear that he was still the wild Garon Caputo that liked to run wild and untamed like a lion and soon, I’ll be alone again. I wanted to believe that happiness was possible for me—for us—but all my life I was the second choice, the girl that mattered less and was left behind. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that Garon would choose me first. He would stick around for our baby, I knew that, but what about me?
The thoughts had kept me awake for a while before I resumed my sleep, but it didn’t last long. I woke up before Garon, but he was all around me, sleeping with his arms around me and one leg hooked over mine. He looked peaceful and finally his face was smooth, no signs of the worry and anger that were always marking his beautiful face. I was hesitant to move because I didn’t want to disturb him, but I could hear Panini scratching at the door and on top of that, I was hungry, so I slowly and carefully slid out of his arms and left the bedroom.
Luckily, Panini didn’t bark when he saw me, he just growled, unpleased with the lack of service he received this morning. To my surprise he was adapting very well to the new space. Last night he spent quite a few hours mapping the downstairs of Garon’s house and finding a corner on the couch that he declared was his from now on. He had no interest in going with me to the bedroom, so I’d let him sleep there.
“Let’s get you food and out for a little walk, how about that?” I told him while picking his little body up from the floor. Food and walk were the only words he needed to hear to get in a different mood.
I was sleepy too, so I didn’t pay attention to anything when I went to the kitchen to refill his bowl. While Garon was out with his brothers, I made some space in his house for Panini and I, and now he had his own cupboard filled with dog treats. While he ate, I made some coffee and moaned in pleasure when I took the first sip. It was fresh and creamy, much better than that instant crap I’d been drinking for the past few months. It was also strong enough to shake off the sleepiness and that’s when I noticed there was a trail of something fluffy on the floor.
Feathers. The trail led me back to the living room that yesterday was perfectly in order, but now it was a murder scene. Two pillows fell victim to Panini and now they were on the floor, eviscerated, and those goddamn feathers got everywhere.
“Oh, no!” I said, color draining from my face. “Panini, what did you do?”
He took one look at his mess and turned back to his bowl while I scrambled, trying my best to clean up and hide the evidence.
“Stronzo27! ” I whispered while I was on my knees picking up feathers one by one. “I can’t let Garon see this.”
“Let Garon see what?” Of course he woke up, and his voice was rough and absolutely delicious in the morning. “What happened? Why are you on the floor?”
“I…”
