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“A little bit of this, a little bit of that.”
“That’s not an answer, Garon. You’ve been gone for almost two months. It’s time to come home.”
“Giorgio travels all the time. Do you nag him too?”
“When Giorgio is gone, he’s handling business. I don’t have to worry he’s dead in some alley.” He muttered. “I like it better when you’re in Palermo and I can keep my eye on you.”
“I don’t need you to look over my shoulder, Giovani.”
“Then stop getting yourself into trouble, come home, and get your shit together.”
The hairs on my arms stood up and my skin prickled with anger. Every time I spoke to my brothers in the past year we fought, we yelled, and it all started with words like that. And every time I fought them, I felt more alone. I grew up knowing my six brothers had a bond I couldn’t be part of, but I held on to whatever family connection there was. Lately, I couldn’t help but feel outside of my bloodline, isolated by my own shame and secrets. I stopped yearning for acceptance a long time ago, when father made it clear I was never going to get that from him, but I’m starting to wonder if I’d ever find my place in this world.
Giovani didn’t know my struggles, he was acting like a Don and a brother, trying to lead me back to thefamiglia, but I didn’t belong there. Every time he pushed, I retreated further back and we ended up going at each other’s throats. When he sent my brothers after me, same thing happened. My breaking point was seeing Grazia half-dead, thinking that I might lose her, because I knew that she was the only one that wouldn’t reject me if the truth would come out.
There was a part of me, the dark one, that kept thinking losing my family was a matter of time. Somehow they’ll find out I was not good enough to walk in line with them and it will start with a fight just like this, and when that day came, I needed something to keep me from being swallowed by the dark clouds.
“Garon, are you still there?” My brother’s voice called from the phone.
“Yes, I’m still here. I’m not in the mood for that conversation, Gio.”
“You never are, little brother, but you’re running out of time. Rebeca will have the baby in six weeks.”
He cornered me, because there was no way I would miss the birth of one of my nephews.
“You know I’ll be there, but until then, I need some time to cool off.”
“Cool off? Is that what you’re doing? The flock of women, the parties you’ve been throwing? That’s your definition of cooling off?”
“I’m just…”
“You are more hectic than you were in Palermo.” Fucking Arno and Santo, snitching on me.
“That’s my business.” I said through clenched teeth.
“You’re my little brother which makes youmybusiness.”
“You have other brothers. How about you go and be a pain in their ass for a while.”
“Watch it,bastardo13.” I flinched, even if I knew he was just teasing me. “Be grateful we care if you’re dead or alive.”
“Grazie mile14.” I spit, sarcastically.
“Come home, Garon.”
I wanted to, I just wasn’t sure where I felt like home.
“I will be there before your kid is born.”
“Where are you headed next?”
I glanced up at the deplorable looking building stretching over the hill.
“I’ll stay in Rome for a while. I have something I need to see to here.”
“Like what?”
Right then, I spotted Pina walking out of one of the entrances. She was dressed in simple clothes, wearing running sneakers, and still looked like an angel walking the earth. The sun was going down, casting a golden glow over everything in sight and Pina looked like one of the rays. Her blond hair was let free down on her back, her skin was sparkling, and she her cheeks were blushed. That image hit me so hard, I lost the trail of my thoughts.
