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I want to be in control of my future.
And I pray to God Rose will be a part of it.
I always used to say to her,what am I going to do with you, Sunbeam?But I was wrong, because there’s no doubt in my mind since she left that I should have been asking a different question.
I should have been asking, what the fuck am I going to dowithoutyou, Sunbeam?
Because I have absolutely no fucking idea.
All I know is that time has no place for me without her.
Without her, I’m nothing.
Chapter 38
Rose
“It’sforyou,”Brettcalls, wheeling backward from the front door with a brown box from the mailman resting on his thighs.
He turns, and I stare at the box as he approaches me in his wheelchair.
“It’s not going to bite. Or maybe it will.” He moves one thigh and makes the box jerk.
“Idiot,” I snap as I jump and grab the box.
His laugh trails behind him as he disappears into the family room. He’s moved into our garage now. Dad started converting it for him after the accident, but progress slowed after Dad passed away. In the end, Harley and Reed helped Mom, Brett, and I to get it finished. But Brett’s still waiting for his new obnoxiously large TV to be delivered. So until then, I have the delight of my older, annoying brother spending more time in the main house. And he’s grown more irritating since I left for England. His new physical therapist, Lena, has been helping him, and he's made amazing progress. He can lift each thigh now. He’s still got a long way to go to walk again; if he ever will. But his regained movement is making it possible for him to play new tricks on me. And to laugh like an idiot when I fall for them.
I carry the box up to my room. It’s light. I bet there’s nothing in it. It’s probably Brett’s idea of another joke. Send me an empty box. But he’s gone off to watch TV. If it were from him, he would probably want to watch my reaction as I open it.
I grab some scissors and score through the tape holding the lid of the box down, before lifting it off.
I yank my head back before I’m hit in the face by the pale blue thing that floats out. It heads straight for the ceiling of my bedroom, settling there with a gentlebob.
A balloon? What the hell?
Confusion threads its way through me as I reach for the long silver ribbon trailing from it. Pinned to the end is a photograph. I’d recognize the stone railing visible in the bottom of the image anywhere.
It’s been taken from Dax’s roof terrace.
I turn the photo over and the writing on the back steals the air from my lungs in one giant whoosh, like the popping of a balloon, causing my chest to cave in as I lean over and grip the image in both hands.
Sunrise number one without you. I’m so sorry I lied to you, Rose. It’s the biggest regret of my life. Everything I felt for you. Everything I told you. It was real. But I can’t be the man you deserve right now. I can’t keep you safe.
I can explain what was in the bag in NYC. But not yet. I hope when the day comes, you’ll let me try. Until then, know that I will be thinking of you. Every day. Every minute. Every second. For infinity.
He hasn’t signed his name. But I know it’s from him. Without a doubt. It’s in his handwriting. I turn it back over. The date stamp is from one week ago.
The morning after I left.
He took this on that first day. The morning after I flew back to New York. I had probably only just gotten off the plane when he was taking it.
The pink and orange hues look spectacular, lighting up the Silver Estate. The sight of it makes my stomach cramp painfully. It’s only been a few weeks since I woke up by the campfire in Dax’s arms. After he told me he promised me every infinity.
After I promised him every sunrise.
It’s a promise I would have kept if he hadn’t pushed me away. Now we’re both facing each one alone.
I let go of the photograph, and it hangs, suspended mid-air, twirling in taunting circles at the end of the silver ribbon.
