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“I did, Ryan Reynolds does that to a person said nobody ever.” I laugh, my voice is raspy from the sleep. “Are you feeling better?”
She tilts her head. “Of course, I mean, other than the snoring coming from you.”
“It’s like a mating call.” I nod seriously. “Kind of like when peacocks stretch their feathers to, you know, peacock.”
“Stop saying peacock.” She laughs, it sounds kind of different, then again, I’m delirious, it is four am.
I lean back as she suddenly crawls up onto my lap, straddling me. She reaches for her shirt and pulls it off and tosses it to the ground.
No bra.
I try like hell not to stare at her chest but it’s right in front of me, I’m looking at her face with all the willpower I have. “I take it you got hot?”
She leans down, her lips are so full, nearly swollen like she’s been biting them, and suddenly I’m jealous of her teeth—weird. I grab her by the back of the neck and jerk her forward. Our mouths collide in a bruising kiss that has me completely awake and ready to go, she reaches between us and palms the front of my jeans.
“Ah, déjà vu.” I joke.
She laughs. “Let’s repeat some things, make some mistakes, let’s start now.”
I grip her by the hair and twist it around my fingers. It feels so soft. “Deal.”
Everything passes in a blur then.
I’m flipping her onto her back on the couch.
She’s reaching for the button of my jeans, then asks about a condom. We’re moving fast, like fast fast, but I also can’t say no. I can’t, I don’t want to. I’ve had a shit year and this beautiful girl is seducing the shit out of me and I don’t want to say no.
I want to forget it all.
The heartbreak.
The times I stupidly cried over my best friend’s girlfriend like an idiot.
The moments we tried to hang out only to have to be tortured, watching them fall deeper in love while I fell behind.
Being a third wheel sucks.
I want to be the lead.
I want to be the main character of my own story, so I kiss her deeper, and I hold her tighter and tell myself it’s going to heal the scars that have yet to scab over. I tell myself that sex will change everything, even when I know I’m lying to myself.
I give into it.
I give into her.
And when I sink into her, I feel at peace for a fraction of a second and realize it can become my new addiction, getting lost between her thighs and telling myself everything is going to be okay—because I’m for one instant, loved by someone.
Giving them pleasure, taking mine.
I tell myself this as I pump into her, as I consume each and every breathy sigh from her mouth, as I bite her neck and suck.
As she clings to me, gasping my name like a chant.
It’s all going to be okay.
It’s going to be perfect.
Chapter Six
