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“Ooh, you totally need to see the nursery,” Ava said as she checked the time, her smile turning upside down. “But I have to head to class. Gabe, you need to show her what you’re working on, it’s going to be amazing.”
“I haven’t done much yet,” I replied.
Ava said goodbye to Bella and hurried out the door.
“Is she always running around like a chicken with her head cut off?” Bella asked.
“Yeah, pretty much. These days she’s always coming and going, she works so damned hard.”
“I know she does,” Bella said. “She’s going to make an amazing lawyer one day.”
“That’s true.” And Bella was going to make an amazing journalist one day. Another reason I chose her was because of her ambition and her brains—more traits I hoped she would pass down to my kids. “So, um, would you like to see the nursery? Like I said, I really haven’t done much with it yet.”
“I’d love to,” Bella answered.
She followed me down the hallway and up the stairs. I made sure she took it slow and walked behind her; I wanted to be able to catch her in case she slipped.
We made it to the top and walked past my bedroom first.
“There’s a door connecting my room and the nursery. I wanted them to be close by.”
Her smile could light up any room. Standing there in the hallway, just the two of us, with her looking up at me, I found myself wanting to inch closer to her, to see if her lips were as soft as they looked.
Though as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I scolded myself mentally.
She’s your sister’s best friend. She’s your surrogate. She’s not your girlfriend, Gabe.
I cleared my throat and opened the door to the nursery, making sure not to stare too long at Bella.
“Oh, good thing there’s plenty of room for four cribs,” she said.
“Yeah, I feared the room would be too big when we thought there was only one of them,” I said. “But now I’m grateful for the space.”
“What are you planning on doing in here?” she asked, glancing over at me.
“I honestly don't know. I had planned to paint the walls a soft green, it’s gender neutral and my favorite color.”
“Green would be very nice, and it’s a calming color,” she said.
“You think so? Is there anything you’d like to see in here?”
She turned and looked at me, her smile wavering. “Why are you asking me?”
“Well, you’re the one carrying them and birthing them, your input is welcomed.”
Her face suddenly turned very serious. “Gabe, I’m really trying not to get too attached or to think of these babies as my own. It’s hard enough as it is. I already feel so much love for them. Seeing them on the ultrasound just made everything that much more real… I fear that by helping to design the nursery or giving insight into your life with them, the lines may start to blur even more for me.”
I felt like an idiot for even asking. Tears welled in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away and turned toward the blank wall. I gave her some space, all the while trying to find the right words. Had I made a mistake asking her to do this for me? It was her idea, and she was a grown woman, but at the same time, neither of us had any idea what pregnancy and childbirth would look like when we’d agreed to it. She was close to my sister; she would be in my life and the babies’ lives. So what would that even look like? We had agreed that it would stay professional, but what did that even mean?
I stepped up beside her. “Bella, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I—”
Before I could finish, she stopped me. “I think some animals would be cute.”
“Animals?”
She nodded. “Yes, like giraffes and monkeys, a border of them, perhaps? It would look really good with the green walls.”
A lump formed in my throat as I pictured what she was saying. “I agree, that would be adorable.”
