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Nara shifted, scrunching up her pillow so it supported her better. “I’m sorry about the awkwardness with my father tonight.”
He gave her a funny look. “There was awkwardness? I didn’t notice.”
She snorted and shoved his shoulder. “Funny.”
He sobered. “No, seriously, it was good that your father owned up to the past.” Derek mulled over what else to say. He didn’t want Nara to feel bad, but her father had been painfully honest with him over the years about how he felt. And he regretted everything having to do with Nara.
She bit her lower lip. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
He sat up a little and leaned on his hand. Nara’s eyelashes were so long. He’d never paid attention before. Maybe he noticed because the moonlight shone on her face in just the right way. He tentatively reached out and pushed a strand of her hair from her face. “You had all that bottled up for a long time. It probably needed to come out.”
She nodded. “Yeah. But now was a crappy time. He just found out he’s got cancer.” The last sentence came out as a whisper.
“I know. But it might not be serious. We don’t know yet.”
“And that’s probably why it’s even worse that I decided to let him have it tonight.” She looked down, breaking eye contact.
Derek felt immensely underqualified to give her comfort. He knew she was in pain, that all her words came from that place of agony, but had no balm to offer her. She would never find relief until she let go of that anger she held onto. But how do you tell someone this? He hooked his finger under her chin so she would look at him. “I know you went through a lot with your father, but I want to see the two of you happy. I don’t know how much time he has left. Maybe a matter of months. Or he could make it through this and have years left on this earth. I don’t know. All I know is I love you both and want what’s best for you.”
It wasn’t until her eyes widened that he realized exactly what he’d done. What he’d said. He’d just admitted to her that he loved her. His heart thumped so loud in his chest that he was afraid she could hear it.
She didn’t say anything at first. Only stared at him as the seconds ticked by. Her expression was one of surprise, and then confusion. And then, curiosity. Finally, she opened her mouth. “Did you mean that?” she asked, softly.
Oh, great. She was calling him out on it. He hoped she’d ignore that part. Maybe even let it skim over her without her really listening. But, no such luck. She wanted to know if he really meant he loved her. His palms grew sweaty and he had a hard time breathing. “Mean what?” he said, his voice squeaky high.
“Did you mean what you just said?” She stared at him her gaze intense. “Do you love me?”
He grew dizzy, probably because his heart raced at a crazy speed and he couldn’t seem to get enough oxygen in. He had to say something. Anything. But his brain didn’t work.
Now would be the perfect time to tell Nara he was in love with her. All he had to do was say one word. Yes. That’s it.
He forced the word out. “Yes,” he whispered, putting behind it all the emotion of his first confession of love. His mouth dried out and he froze, not moving a muscle as he waited for her reaction. For her to do or say something. But she didn’t. She just stared at him until the temperature in the room grew uncomfortable. What was she thinking? Why wasn’t she saying anything? He started to panic, and more words flew from his mouth. “Of course, I do. You’re like a sister to me.”
Nara swallowed, her face a careful mask, not showing any emotion. “A sister?”
Desperation tightened his chest, and he broke out in a sweat. Did he really just confess, and then take it back? Sister? What was he thinking? She was no more his sister than she was his cat. He loved her fully, like a man loves a woman. And he had to go and mess up his one chance to tell her. But now she was staring at him and he had to say something. “Yeah, you know. We’ve been through a lot together.”
Lame. He should have taken back the sister thing. He just didn’t have the nerve. He was a spineless squid. He really shouldn’t be allowed to talk anymore.
Nara blinked, then rolled over onto her back. “We have.” The mood in the room shifted, but he wasn’t sure what it meant. The air cooled and he laid back as well.
She wiped at her face, and he wondered if she was crying. It made sense if she was. She’d had a really emotional night with her father. He wanted to comfort her, but felt extremely awkward after their conversation, so he pretended he didn’t notice.
She lay still for a few minutes before speaking. “Thank you for being there for me, even when I’m a terrible person.”
His heart broke. “You’re not a terrible person.”
“Okay, not a terrible person. I’m a horrible daughter.”
“No. You’re just hurt. You need to heal.”
“How do I do that?” She turned and looked at him.
He gathered up his courage. He needed to tell her to let go. It was the only way for her and her father to make things right. “You need to let go of the anger.”
She nodded, blinking rapidly, and now he knew for sure she was crying. “How? I want to, I just don’t know what to do.”
“It might help to talk it out. Have you thought about going to see someone?”
