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As for sex, well, Saul throttled back on that. Kissing, lots and lots of kissing that didn’t soothe the ache that flared every time his hand brushed hers or her body curled against his, but that was all. No more using his fingers or mouth to float her along clouds of pleasure, and trying to do it herself had failed catastrophically.
Too much temptation, little rabbit. The next time I touch that pussy, it’s going to be mine. Completely.
She was in love with him.
Every morning when she opened her eyes and looked into the gray of his, her heart rolled over in her chest and swelled with emotion. She loved the sound of his laugh, but more than that, she loved that he could make her find the joy in things again. There was peace in just being near him, knowing he was under the same roof.
He made her think about the world outside, the world she shied away from. Not just the hustle and bustle of the city, but the tranquility of a place like this.
It didn’t matter that her family had shunned her. It didn’t matter that the voice inside her head kept coming, bringing dirty memories floating to the surface like ghosts.
She, after being alone and lonely for so long, finally knew what it felt like to love another human being. As corny as it sounded, even to her, she felt as though her heart was cupped in her hands, reaching out to set it carefully in his.
“On the scales, little rabbit.”
Caera scowled down at the bathroom scales Saul had rooted out from the cabinet beneath the sink. The stupid box was becoming a pain in her ass. “No. It lies.”
Saul folded his arms over his chest. The man was determined to note down every change in her body, including the pounds she gained. “The scales don’t lie, Caera. They are not conspiring against you just because you lost a pound yesterday.”
She huffed and inched back. “How can I lose it? I feel like a pig stuffed with truffles all the goddamn time, I lounge around like a couch potato for like twenty-two hours a day. I should be a duck by now!”
Amusement warred with bafflement in his eyes. “A duck?”
“Yes!” She threw her hands up in the air. “Plump and waddling.”
His sigh was full of exasperation. “Caera, gaining weight quickly isn’t good for you. You’re doing absolutely fine. I’m pleased with what you’ve put on so far, and so should you be.” His eyes dropped down to the scales. “Get your pretty ass on there before I spank it.”
It wasn’t the first time he’d warned her in that manner, although he hadn’t followed through on that particular threat…yet. He said it so casually, she assumed it was a habit of his, but between that and the safeword he’d given her last week before he set his mouth to work on her pussy, she had suspicions that he was a lot more than he let on.
Her bottom clenched defensively, and she felt herself get wet.
Just get one of the boys to fuck her. All this messing around isn’t getting us anywhere.
No. That’s not part of her training. She needs to learn that sex is a weapon, one she can wield. Distraction lowers the defenses, and she has to master that.
The girl’s four. Already well behind the others of her age. Give the boys a treat, then cut her from the program. She’s a waste of time and resources.
The voices speared through her, buckling her knees. She was barely aware of Saul’s shout of alarm, of his arms snaking around her. There were just the voices, clearer than they’d ever been before.
One male, one female.
“Caera. Caera, talk to me.”
The girl’s four.
It was the earliest fragment of her past to surface. She jabbed her fist against her chest as pain bloomed, phantom and yet so fucking real. There was no visual memory, nothing physical that should make her bones want to scream, but the voices…they hurt her.
“What have you been keeping from me, little rabbit?”
Nothing that wasn’t being kept from her. Her head lolled back over his arm as he scooped her off her feet and carried her into the bedroom. Moments later, she was flat on her back, the covers soft beneath her, and Saul’s face came into focus, dark with concern.
“Are you okay?”
Groaning, she nodded. “Just had a…a moment.”
“Mmm-hmm. Seems to me you’ve been having a few of these moments recently.” Saul sat beside her hip, his jaw tight. “Think it’s about time you tell me what’s going on in this pretty head of yours, don’t you?”
“I-I can’t. I don’t know what’s happening.”
