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“Well, aren’t you adorable when you’re mad. Calm down,” he admonished as her temper flashed. He took hold of her wrists, letting his natural instincts come out and establish order for a few moments. “Rushing us toward that place won’t remove your anxiety, Caera. There are things I want to teach you first. You’ll know when it’s time.”
Temper faded from her eyes, only to be replaced by something incredibly sad. There was more to this whole situation than she was letting on, Saul just needed to figure out what it was. She swung from confidence to broken, eager to withdrawn, faster than he could keep up with.
“You promise?”
“Swear to God. Do you really think I could let you walk away now, Caera?”
Those unhappy eyes met his for a second, then flitted away. “I don’t know, Saul. Could you?”
The scars on her back went far deeper than the physical. She might not remember how she got them or what happened before and after she was whipped, but whatever had been done to her was gnawing away at her subconscious. Minute by minute, day by day.
Saul wondered if she’d been sexually abused, but when he touched her, he didn’t get the impression she was scared of his hands on her. There were just the insecurities she felt at being inexperienced, treading over new ground without knowing where she was going.
Those scars were partly responsible for the night terrors, he was sure of it, but those five simple words had his thoughts veering toward abandonment issues. Damage had been inflicted upon a part of Caera which might never heal fully. Someone had ripped open a deep wound, rooting out major nerves, dancing all over them, before leaving her to deal with the consequences.
Saul kissed her softly, gently, the kiss of lovers-to-be. “I passed the point of walking away when you woke up on the couch and whimpered at me. It was only yesterday, Caera, but it feels like I’ve been here with you for decades. I don’t have the option of walking away from you.”
*
I don’t have the option of walking away from you.
Caera’s bottom lip trembled. Barely able to keep the tsunami of emotion from sweeping her away, she closed her eyes and tried not to read more into Saul’s earnest tone than there actually was.
But the loneliest part of her grabbed onto that sentence with both hands and held it aloft in adoration. It was almost a promise, a permanent connection, with another person. That connection was a dream she’d held onto for years, despite the fact it had begun to wither and die.
When Saul kissed her, it was like the first of a dozen chains holding her down fell away, giving her room to move in the right direction. Frustrated, she yearned to experience everything, from the wonderful kissing to what they’d done in the bedroom. Completing the entire ensemble—kissing, foreplay, intercourse—became the new dream.
How did anyone live without the warmth and comfort of another soul? Caera had only sampled the briefest taste of that companionship, but she needed more. Her body craved Saul’s touch, be it the strength of his arms around her or the thrust of his fingers inside her, the stroke of his hands over her skin.
His playful side came as a surprise. She’d had no idea that sex and fun could mix. Laughter and orgasms, who knew? In her head when she’d imagined being intimate with a man, it had never been fun. No giggles or squirming. No high-adrenaline chases that ended up with high-octane kissing.
“It would hurt,” she admitted quietly. “If you walked away, it would hurt.”
Saul took her hand. “I don’t want to hurt you, Caera. That’s the very last thing I want to do. Promises were made to our mutual friends, and I intend to keep them. At the same time, I feel like promising you the world would never be enough.”
Bravely, she closed her fingers around his, hesitating before pulling his hand to her breast and pressing it against the dismally small mound. She watched in fascination as his eyes dilated, black eclipsing gray. “I don’t need the world, Saul. I just need you.”
“That’s really not fair, Caera. In fact, it’s cheating.”
Striving for nonchalance she didn’t feel, she just shrugged her shoulders. “All’s fair in the battle of the sexes, Saul. Even I know that.”
He snorted and grinned at her. “So despite the fact men are superior to women in most ways, all’s fair in the battle of sexes?”
“I…you…superior?” she spluttered. Rising to the bait, she drew herself up to her full height, poking him in the chest with one finger. “I don’t think so. For starters, women have a higher pain threshold—when was the last time you saw a guy give birth?” Another sharp poke, and oh boy, he had some muscles underneath that T-shirt. “Without us, you’d just sit around watching football and drinking beer, scratching your ass and farting!”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, really!” This time, she gave him a tentative shove with both hands pressed to his chest. Traitorous fingers wanted to curl into his shirt and hold on, or maybe just slide beneath to touch those firm muscles. “The whole damned lot of you would be in a mess without women to clean up after you.”
To Caera’ surprise, Saul simply threw his head back and roared with laughter. Belly-deep, raucous, and borderline infectious. It took all her willpower not to crack a smile in the face of his good humor. “Oh, you do amuse me, little rabbit. That’s some fire you’re keeping hidden away.”
“I amuse you?” Now she didn’t know whether to be insulted or not. “What are you, some rich sheik who keeps a jester on hand to keep him entertained?”
“Now you’re being ridiculous. Sheiks don’t have jesters,” he said, leaning close to kiss her, only to pull up short when she slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Can you be serious for five minutes?” she asked with a wealth of exasperation. When he licked the palm of her hand, she squealed and pulled it away, wiping it and the ticklish sensation he’d created on her pants. “Obviously not!”
Saul took her by the wrists, backing her up to the porch steps, and pinning her hands high above her head against the support beam behind her. With only his nose, he traced the lines of her face—jawline, cheekbones, forehead. “If I’m the rich sheik, I’ll grant you one wish. Anything in my power that you’ve always wanted to do. Think carefully.”
