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Naomi absolutely glowed with love, and once again, envy struck me. I hated being the only one who didn't know what it was like to have love and devotion from a man. They were all living these happy, glamorous, fulfilled lives while I was still living alone, doing a job that I didn't hate, but it wasn't my passion either.
I wondered what I did to offend the universe to end up like this. I had thought I had a perfect life in my grasp, but it was cruelly taken away. Was I being given lesson after lesson in humility? Like I wasn't pretty enough, or smart enough, or deserving enough? Just thinking those thoughts made me feel pathetic. I certainly didn't have it as bad as some people. Maybe it was all my whining that was bringing on my misery.
"Mrs. Jackson." We all turned to look at the nanny Naomi and Pierce had hired to help them with the triplets. As far as I could tell, Naomi and Pierce were hands-on parents, but three babies were a lot, and once the hockey season started, they’d need the extra hands at home and on the road.
"The babies have woken and are ready for their feeding."
Naomi gave us an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, guys."
"Not at all," Analyn said. "Bring the babies out here. I know the girl power hour is supposed to be just us, but they're so cute and we can help you feed them."
"As long as we don't have to nurse them," I joked. I was the only one who wouldn’t be able to nurse a baby. Well, Analyn wouldn’t because her son was weaned, but she’d nursed at one time.
Everyone laughed, and I was glad I was able to bring levity to hide my misery.
Naomi looked at her nanny. "I’ll nurse one of them, and we’ll have bottles for the other two."
I considered excusing myself and going home. I know it sounded negative, and I really was happy for my friends, but being with them and their husbands or their babies only highlighted how much I was missing.
Why couldn't my fiancé have been faithful? Why couldn't Pete, Ruby's friend I met at Naomi's wedding, be someone I was attracted to? No, I had the misfortune of a momentary lapse in judgment and had sex with my boss. The real kicker was, if I had the chance to do it again, I probably would. How dumb was that?
Even as I sat in the board meeting today, angry that Todd had not remembered that he’d promoted me or had sex with me, I couldn’t stop the feelings of attraction that I had toward him. I should've just seen him as a middle-aged man getting his rocks off with a younger woman, but instead I saw a sexy, distinguished, hard-working businessman, too focused on business without time for anything else except an occasional hookup which he clearly forgot the minute it was done.
A few moments later, there was a baby in my lap, and I was holding a bottle as it suckled. I looked down into his sweet face, and yearning welled inside me. I wanted what my friends had, a loving husband and beautiful children.
Maybe I'd have to settle for something else. There was no rule that said I couldn't have a child. I made enough money and had good benefits, so I could probably afford to have a baby on my own.
Those thoughts stayed with me when I returned home to my apartment and finished off the half-bottle of wine I had in the fridge. As I climbed into bed, I noted that if I did want to have a child on my own, I’d have to cut back on the wine. But I was okay with that. It would be worth it to have someone to love and who’d love me back.
For a moment, I wondered how I would find a father. Maybe Pete would volunteer, not to sleep with me but to donate to the cause. I wondered how much it cost to go to a sperm bank, although it seemed impersonal to pick a baby daddy from a list of characteristics without actually knowing him. It was just my luck that an image of Todd entered my mind. Thankfully, my anger at him and disgust with myself had me vanquishing him.
If I were going to get out of this funk I was living in, I needed to stop wallowing in all the misfortunes of my past. What was done was done. It was time for me to look forward and plan my future.
3
Todd
When I left the meeting this morning, my spirits had risen. The only thing that tempered my excitement at taking on the challenge of wooing Betts was the fact that her attitude was decidedly against me.
The fiery, passionate woman I saw in the library was locked up tight behind Betts's cool demeanor. For that reason, as well as several others, it probably wasn't a good idea to turn my conquest of Betts into a challenge, but I found it difficult to let the idea go. But I also knew I couldn't force myself upon her.
In the few times I'd run into her, I had noticed her cool manner, but today, there was a little edge to it as if she were angry at me. Was it because I hadn't remembered that I had promoted her?
Maybe she thought I'd forgotten our evening in the library. When that thought had dawned on me, I had nearly gone rushing to her office to let her know that I had remembered her.
What stopped me was how inappropriate and possibly creepy that would have been. I was her boss, after all. Plus, there was a part of me that didn't want to becomethatman. The one who was decidedly older and filthy rich who had affairs with his much younger, model-beautiful employees. Even without a lawsuit, it could hurt my reputation and make me seem like a man who took advantage of women.
Even so, it was a risk I was willing to take where Betts was concerned. I would be walking a very dangerous tightrope as I found a way to pursue her without her feeling uncomfortable or pressured.
I managed to finish my day, although Betts was never far from my thoughts. When it was time to head out, I had my driver take me over to the Golden Oasis, a techno oriented club with decor from Las Vegas’s golden age. It was established several years ago by two young men from a money family in New York. At first, I thought Las Vegas would chew the Clarke brothers up and spit them out, but as it turned out, the club did good business, partly because they were able to cater to Las Vegas locals as well as tourists, and also to men like me who wanted atmosphere and privacy as well.
I entered the club and made my way back to one of the private rooms. When I entered, I saw that Levi had already arrived. He stood, smiling as he came over to shake my hand and give each other a half-hug. We'd been friends since college, and whenever he was in the western U.S., he always made sure to stop in Las Vegas for a visit. As it turned out, it was a good time as I had the report from the Silver Nuggets to prove I'd won our last bet.
As we sat at the plush booth, a server entered with a $400 bottle of wine.
“I hope you don’t mind that I ordered already,” Levi said. He never spared any expense. We were similar in that we were both successful businessmen, but whereas I had earned all my money and tended to be a bit more frugal, Levi came from old money and was happy to spend it without a single thought.
“Not at all.”
