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I glared at Sam, thinking he was trying to calm Jude down. “Jude doesn’t scare me because he raised his voice, Sam. He doesn’t have to be easy.”
Cyrus growled. “Sam wasn’t trying to keep Jude calm, Poppy. He was trying to make sure Jude didn’t say anything to make you fly off the handle or run away screaming. Sam’s trying to do everything he can to placate you right now and you’re shitting all over him.”
“Cy, I’m good, man.” Sam motioned toward the living room. “Why don’t we sit down out here and talk?”
I couldn’t stop thinking about what they’d told my brothers or about Jude saying that what we were doing was serious. How could it be serious? There were four of us. We were just getting it out of our system.
Sara’s words clanged around my head like old metal pipes rattling and I tugged my ponytail tighter. She’d tried accusing me of having a much more serious relationship with the guys. She thought I loved them. Love wasn’t a word I would ever use, though. I’d said it once to Andrew and that had been enough for a lifetime. I wasn’t stupid enough to fall in love. Not only that, the guys had been in my life for most of my life. I hadn’t just suddenly fallen in love with them. That was ridiculous.
They didn’t love me either. They loved being single and doing their own thing. They loved sleeping around.
Love meant talking about your feelings and compromising with someone else. Love was complicated and messy and ended in severed ties and broken relationships. I didn’t love my best friends, not like that. That would ruin everything. I needed them to be there in the way they’d always been.
“Come on, PoJo.” Cyrus motioned for me to follow Sam and Jude. “We have to talk at some point.”
Feeling like I was walking to my sentencing, I curled into Sam’s recliner and hugged my knees to my chest. I could feel their eyes on me and I could feel their desires. Only their desires had shifted from sexual to something different. They wanted me to talk to them, to open up.
“We were honest with your brothers, Poppy. We told them how we feel and what we want.” Sam squeezed his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees. “They know that we care about you and that we’ve been here for you since you could barely walk. They know we’d never do anything to hurt you, and despite it not being traditional, they’re okay with this relationship.”
“Does everyone know? While I was waiting on you guys to show up last night, was everyone finding out that I’ve been sleeping with all three of you? Do my parents know?”
Jude pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, not unless one of your brothers told them.”
I threw up my hands. “Then my parents definitely know.”
“Is that so bad, Poppy?” Sam was so sincere that it made me hate myself for how cold I sounded.
“Yes!”
They all three physically moved away like I’d swung at them. My body vibrated with my anxiety and need to flee, but seeing them respond to me like I was attacking them made me want to curl up in a ball and just scream.
“Why?” Cyrus sighed into his fist and sat forward. “Why is it so bad that your family might know about us?”
“Because! When this is over, the more people that know, the more people I’ll have to explain things to!”
50
***Poppy***
Judestoodupandmoved to Sam’s bar. He picked up a bottle like he wanted to pour himself a drink and then put it back down. “When this is over?”
I swallowed a lump forming in my throat. “When we’ve gotten this out of our systems.”
He turned back around to face me with a dark frown twisting his face. “Why is it that you could so easily see a future with a guy like Andrew but not with us?”
“Jude.” Sam barked out the name like a curse. “Not helpful.”
“No, I want to know.” Jude shook his head. “I mean, I knew you didn’t think we had a future, but hearing the words just stings so much more. We tiptoe around to make sure we don’t force you to talk about your feelings, but I need to know why it was so much easier with Andrew. Why was it easy to give that man everything?”
Like a sign from above that I was god’s least favorite creation, my phone started ringing from the bedroom. I somehow just knew it was going to be Andrew calling again. Something in my face must’ve given that away because Jude narrowed his eyes and went to grab the phone.
“Speak of the devil.” Jude dropped my phone onto the couch next to Sam. “Why is Andrew calling you?”
“I don’t know.” I didn’t care about Andrew in the slightest and didn’t know why we were talking about him. “This has nothing to do with him.”
“Doesn’t it? Why else are you so scared of this?” Jude seemed set on pushing my buttons.
“I’m not sure what you’re implying right now. He calls, I don’t answer. He came over, I kicked him out. There’s nothing-”
