AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You sound just like your brother. We ran into each other at the hospital and we grabbed lunch in the cafeteria. I wanted to know more about Memphis’s situation here and he said that exact phrase a dozen times.” Braddock looked back at the house and his grin grew even larger. “She’s a tough one. One of the ones who stares into the needle just to spite the pain of having your blood drawn. You’re going to worry, of course, but just try to remind yourself that she’s going to be fine.”
“What’s everyone’s deal with settling for fine?” I ran my hands through my hair and gestured towards the main house. “Come on. I’ll walk you out.”
“The thing I will say, and it’s none of my business so feel free to tell me that, is that pregnancies are easier when there’s stability and security. Less stress on the mom is always a good thing.” He walked along the trail beside me and stopped in the middle of the maze. “I’m also supposed to tell you that she can work in the flower beds. She didn’t want me to add the part that she shouldn’t do it during the hottest parts of the day, but I’m going to. Let her garden and do whatever else she wants, as long as it’s not dangerous. Just watch her in the heat, especially as her body continues to change and grow.”
I looked at the fountain Mom had installed decades earlier and tried not to sound bitter as I replied. “Stability and security. Sure.”
“Most men go through this stuff alone. You have your brothers at your side. Lean on them. And talk about your shit. It’s obvious that each of you have issues that you don’t touch. I’m a big supporter of therapy. I go once a month, unless work happens. All this brooding and talk of complications won’t help you.” Patting me on the shoulder once more, he walked ahead. “I’ll see myself out, Remington. Go back and hang out with Memphis.”
I lifted my hand at his retreating back and sank onto one of the benches instead of going back to Memphis. Thinking about stability and security tripped me up. We could give Memphis all the financial stability and security she could ever want or need. It was everything else that scared me.
“Hey. I just passed Braddock. He thought you were going to see Memphis, yet here you are.” Wells sat down next to me and looked over at me. “I was going to try to coax the little minx out for an afternoon of debauchery, but I’m getting the vibe that you’re not in that right headspace for that.”
I gave him a look. “Any headspace is right for that.”
“Well?” He smiled. “You’re still not moving.”
I picked up a pebble and rolled it between my fingers. “Braddock said some shit about taking care of our issues and giving Memphis stability. I’m in my head about it now.”
“And now you want me to be in my head about it, too? Fine. Share with the class.” Stretching his legs out in front of him, he sighed. “But do you think we can work through our shit before Memphis takes her afternoon nap? You know catching her a little sleepy makes her so much nicer these days.”
I did know that. Her napping was new and before her nap, she was a kitten, all purrs and nuzzles. After her nap, she was refueled to take on the world, and we seemed to be the world she wanted to take on most days. “So much has changed in the last few months. It seemed so natural, but what if I’m not able to give someone that emotional shit? What if we didn’t have enough time in a stable family to learn how to do it? Am I just going to wake up one day and be fucking Don?”
Wells jerked his head around to face me. “Jesus, Remy. There’s not a chance in hell of you becoming Don.”
“We’re bringing three kids into the world that we didn’t even want. We’re planning on putting them off on nannies and after that will be boarding school. How am I not Don?”
“You’re just not. Maybe our intentions sucked, but I think there’s something more with Memphis. It doesn’t have to be what it started out as. We can just pretend that shit never was and leave it in the past with everything else.” He looked down at his hands. “What would we get from rehashing old shit, Remy? You want to talk about Mom’s affair and how she left us to sneak out to him and got killed in the process? You want to talk about Don’s verbal abuse or the physical abuse we dealt with at that school? There’s so much bad shit we could talk about, but I’ve got to tell you, none of it sounds like a lot of fun.”
I tossed the pebble into the fountain and rubbed at a knot forming at the back of my neck. “I don’t know, Wells. I don’t want to leave a wake of destruction.”
“Then don’t.” He stood up. “Our paths weren’t determined by what our parents did. We make our own choices and if you choose to take care of the people around you, you will.”
I stayed on the bench, firmly planted in my shitty mood. “What would it even look like?”
“What would what look like?”
“The four of us. I don’t give a shit about the public reaction to the three of us, but what about for Memphis? What about her family? Friends? How do people treat her when they know about our relationship?” I got angry just thinking about what people could say. “More importantly, how does it work? I don’t see a lot of situations like ours walking around, happily married. Before moving back into this house, we were all living apart and doing our own thing. Are we just going to live together forever?”
Wells laughed, a big laugh that shook his shoulders and made his face turn red. After he calmed down a bit, he shook his head at me. “We’ve spent three months with Memphis and we’re this crazy about her. Add another four years and nine months, Remy. Do you think you’re going to want to let her go after all that time with her?”
The thought didn’t sit right with me. “No.”
“Then stop fucking worrying. When the brother with anxiety issues tells you to stop worrying, you have to know you’re being ridiculous.” He came back over and pulled me into a short hug. “I’ve spent so many years waiting for us to feel this connected. After the crash, all I wanted was to feel like family again. Feeling myself dying and having this clear picture of what life could’ve been like for the three of us made me fucking hate myself for a long time. I was the one who left. I chose to be gone and not see the two of you. I ran away. If you think I’m going to give a shit about what anyone thinks about us after getting a second chance to be a family again, you’re insane. I don’t care that it’s not conventional. Nothing about us ever was.”
I squeezed his arm and blew out a shaky breath. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
He jerked his thumb towards the guesthouse. “Are you coming? As much as I love talking to you, I love touching Memphis more.”
Smiling slowly, I nodded. “I’m coming. A word of warning, though, she’s still mad at me for hiding her gardening tools.”
“Well, she’s pissed at me for popping by the library one too many times to make sure she was okay.” He laughed. “She’s most angry at Boone, though. He caught her at the top of the sliding ladder dusting books and lost his shit.”
“I can work with that. Sorry, Boone, but you’re about to get thrown under the bus for the good of your brothers.” We both jogged towards the guesthouse, eager to get Memphis back to our house so we could make her ours a few more times.
49.
***Memphis***
