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She rubbed her face into me like a kitten. “Couldn’t sleep. I was worried about Wells. I was overthinking how much I said about myself. I was also thinking about the fact that there’s a baby growing in me. It’s strange.”
I smiled down at the top of her head, amused by her openness. Listening to her voice as it grew groggier made me feel something warm and big for her. I could almost picture how she would’ve been as a kid, and that hit me square in the chest like a truck. I’d never thought of a woman I was sleeping with as anything other than that. I’d never imagined a tiny version of any of them talking themselves to sleep.
I had to swallow down a mixture of fear and something softer, something unknown, before I could talk again. “Wells is okay. And you should talk more about yourself.”
She turned her head and rubbed the other side of her face against me. “And the baby?”
The baby. Our baby. It was supposed to be a transactional tool. I hadn’t thought much about it beyond securing the house. That felt wrong, though, while holding Memphis and thinking about a mini version of her. Would our kid look like her? Another hit to the chest had me struggling to get words out around the lump in my throat.
“I hope it’s a girl.” And that she looked just like Memphis. I kept that part to myself.
“She’s only the size of a sesame seed right now. Isn’t that weird? There’s a sesame seed in my stomach that’s going to grow arms and legs soon.” She shuddered. “Sorry. It’s a little gross if I think of it like that.”
I laughed into her hair and silently agreed.
“I hope it doesn’t hurt.” She was fading fast.
“Birth?”
“Walking away from them.” Her arms went slack around me. “Wishful thinking.”
My gut twisted as a whole other layer of what we were doing unfolded at her words.
41.
***Memphis***
Afterseveraldaysoftiptoeing around each other, I found myself enclosed in the back of the car with all three Hawke brothers, heading to another charity event. Another glam squad afternoon makeover had transformed me from drab to sparkly drab. At least that’s how I felt. I didn’t want to go to another fancy event, not ever again, but especially not when the guys and I had been awkwardly trying to navigate our shit. I’d barely spoken to Wells, things were weird with Boone after I’d fallen asleep on his chest and woken up alone, and Remy had been too busy at work to do much more than nod at me in passing.
I hadn’t wanted to disappoint Remy when he’d asked me to come to the event with them, but I’d spent the day dreading every moment of it. No amount of makeup and hairspray was going to change that.
Sitting next to Boone, I couldn’t help swooning at the three of them all dressed up. They’d all three gone for the all black tux and they looked like they could be mob bosses. I didn’t know that was something that got me going, but apparently it was. I was in a black floor-length dress that made up for the modest skirt with a neckline that had me holding my breath at times. The girls were sitting up and showing off. The squad had decorated me with a stunning emerald necklace and bracelet set. The diamonds were all fake, I freaking hoped but they sparkled like the real thing and I never would’ve been comfortable in something so expensive. The dress was enough of a push for me.
I crossed my legs and looked out the window, forcing my eyes away from them. I needed to play it cooler than I had been. That meant cooling off my emotions and letting the silence stretch, even when it wasn’t natural for me.
“Do you think I could lean over and spank you a few times at dinner tonight if I get too anxious?” Wells asked the question without cracking a smile. “It really seemed to help last time.”
I stared at him with my mouth wide open. He couldn’t be serious. I closed my mouth and opened to speak, but I had nothing to say. That was until Remy laughed and Wells’ lips stretched into a wide smile. Choking out a sputtering laugh, I shook my head at him. “That was mean.”
Boone grinned at me, the tension broken for the moment. “Were you trying to figure out how to politely tell him to go fuck himself?”
I felt myself blush like a fool and I had to look away from them. “I was trying to figure out how to recover after getting spanked at a charity event, in front of people.”
“No fucking way would you have let him do it.” Boone seemed sure of himself until he met my eyes. “Shit. You would’ve. Why?”
I straightened my shoulders and pretended I was stronger than I was. “I’d do whatever I could to make any of you feel better. Don’t take that as an invitation to spank me in public, though. I think my face would cook itself from the blush that would cause.”
They all silently stared at me, their expressions unreadable. Thankfully, Jake stopped the car at that moment. Remy saw on my face that I was going to run if I could and he gripped the door handle, holding it closed. “You’re too good for any of us, sweetheart.”
Shame burned deep in my stomach. “No. No, I’m not.”
Jake knocked once on the window and Remy glared at the door. “We’ll finish this conversation later.”
I saluted him. “Whatever you say.”
Boone chuckled, but it was darker than his normal laugh. “You’re in so much trouble and you don’t even know it.”
I forced out a big sigh and shrugged. “What’s new?”
