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With the carriages went the last vestiges of my life in Daybreak.
I paused in the foyer, unsteady on my feet as that realization washed over me.
Amity and Rue trotted in after me, then shifted back into their human forms. “Are you all right, milady?” Rue asked.
I brushed a loose strand of hair out of my eyes and nodded. “Yes,” I said. “Perfectly fine.”
I was the Queen of Frasia, and I was alone.
30
In my new quarters, I dismissed Amity and Rue and then stood by the window, gazing out over the snowy tree line. I needed space. I needed somewhere to sit and read and think—I had a couch in these quarters, but why not a desk? Did a queen not do any work? My heart hurt, my chest ached; I was lost and confused and exhausted. I needed something familiar. I needed the library.
The door to my quarters slammed open abruptly, and the king stormed in with his expression caught somewhere between anger and concern. I took a step back, pressing my shoulders to the stone wall behind me as he approached.
“Reyna,” he said. “Where were you?”
“What?” I asked.
“We were supposed to see the guests off,” he said sharply. “Where did you go?”
“I did see them off,” I said. “I know you saw me.”
“You only saw your father off. The rest of the guests were left unable to give their well wishes. Some had traveled quite far to attend.”
“Well, I wasn’t the one who made the guest list, was I?” I snapped. “I greeted everyone at the wedding, was that not enough?”
I braced myself for the expected argument, but to my surprise, the king’s posture softened. He sighed, then pulled his crown off his head and set it on the small table near the hearth.
“You’re right,” he said. “You were quite charming during all the events around the wedding. You must be tired.”
“Of course I’m tired,” I said quietly.
“Your quarters are adequate?” he asked.
“Where did you sleep last night?” I asked, brushing off his questioning. “Where did you go?”
“It should be of no consequence to you,” he said. “I thought you’d be pleased that I left you alone.”
“Okay,” I said. “More secrets.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Would you have rather I stayed? You seemed angry.”
“I’m still angry! I’m angry and I’m tired and—” and I’m lonely. I snapped my mouth shut.
“What do you need?” he asked. “How can I make this right?”
“You can’t,” I said. “You won’t. You made that clear last night.”
He sighed heavily and raked one hand through his hair. Then he removed his cloak and tossed it carelessly over the couch and gazed into the fire. In his plain dark trousers and white shirt, he looked more like the man I’d run into in the library what felt like a lifetime ago. Handsome. In control. Unreadable. He gazed into the fire.
“I need time,” I said. “Time to adjust. Time to grieve.”
“How much time?” he asked. “What is there to grieve? What is your life in Daybreak compared to your life here? It doesn’t compare!”
“We’ve talked about this,” I said. “You don’t listen. You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said.”
It hurt even more now, knowing the carriages were long gone. It wasn’t the life I’d left behind, but the future I’d really lost. Now more than ever, I yearned for a different life. A way to leave this all behind. Even the thought made my wolf whine in dismay, but she’d get used to it—I was used to ignoring her complaints. If only I could take a horse from the stables and ride off.
