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I turned toward the window instead. Outside, on the other side of the city walls, the wolves of Efra were going about their daily business. Airing out laundry, haggling at food stalls, laughing outside of pubs. Their lives had no mention of treason, of royalty, of prophecy. That was the life I’d thought I would have—a simple life. A commoner’s life.
“I’m sorry,” the king said suddenly.
I started, then whipped around to look at him. “What did you just say?”
The king smiled sadly at me. “I shouldn’t frame it that way,” he said. “Even if it’s true. I know it hurts to lose a wolf of your former pack, regardless of the context. But I couldn’t stand that he dared to use you as an excuse to seek power. He didn’t care about you.”
“Don’t tell me why he did what he did,” I snapped. “I don’t need you to explain it.”
To my surprise, the king shut his mouth.
“We had many years together,” I said. “That doesn’t just go away, despite what he did. He showed me—” I paused and closed my eyes hard, willing away the prickle of tears behind my eyes and the tightening in my throat. I took a few deep breaths and it passed. “He showed me I was more than just my role in the court. More than just a lady. And even if it wasn’t real, it was real to me. I believed we had a future together. That’s what I’m grieving—the future I thought I had. My freedom.”
The king said nothing. After a long silence, I glanced back behind me, half-expecting to see him absent from the room. But he was still standing there, watching me, a soft sadness in his tired eyes.
“I didn’t mean to belittle your feelings,” he said. “But I still couldn’t let him take our future away.”
Again, he was right. We did have a future together, whether I wanted it or not. I could only hope that the king would let me have a hand in crafting it. I sighed and turned away from the window, tracing my hand around the edge of the small table instead.
“I don’t know if I can love you the way you expect,” I admitted.
“I’m not sure if you know what I expect,” the king murmured.
“I thought I was fully committed to Griffin,” I continued. All the frustration and grief of the past few days bubbled inside me, spilling over like bile. “I trusted him—I loved him. What happened between you and me, it—it surprised me. I don’t know what it means. And now everything I thought I did know turned out to be a lie. If what Griffin said is true, I’m not even a daughter of Daybreak.”
“What do you mean?” the king asked, his expression sharpening. “When did he say that?”
“Before the challenge,” I said. And he’d said it with so much certainty, like I was the only one who didn’t know. But he was speaking nonsense, wasn’t he? Or maybe what I thought was nonsense was the only real truth he’d ever told me. Everything in my mind was so turned around.
“Griffin was in the dungeons the entire time,” the king said. His voice wasn’t accusatory, more interested and curious. “When exactly did you speak to him? The guards never informed me that you paid him a visit.”
I blanched. Right—well. If I wasn’t fleeing Efra, I had no reason to keep it to myself, and my foggy mind wasn’t up to crafting a lie.
“I used the tunnel system under the manor,” I said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Did you not know about it?”
The king raked one hand through his hair. “Do you have any booze in your chambers?” He cast his gaze around imploringly.
Despite it all, I bit back a small smile. “I’m not much of a drinker.”
He opened the door and stuck his head out. “Go fetch me some brandy, will you?” Then he closed the door and dropped into one of the heavy armchairs by the low fire. “How exactly did you find out about these tunnels? The system isn’t common knowledge among the court.”
“Isn’t it a bit early for alcohol? They’re on the maps of the manor. I didn’t break any rules.”
“It’s nearly dinnertime,” he said with a sigh. “Where exactly did you find this map?”
“Why?” I asked. “So you can make up some rule I broke to punish me? History and cartography are some of the only things I have left that bring me joy, and you would—”
“No,” he interrupted with a shake of his head, “so I can add it to my collection of shit not to leave around the manor for anyone to find.”
He sounded almost petulant. I snorted, surprised, and he raised his eyebrows as he glanced toward me.
Something unsure and strange hung fragile in the air between us. The king inhaled, about to speak, but then was interrupted by a quick knock on the door.
He stood and answered it, opening the door only enough to take the brandy and two glasses from the guard. He walked back over to the chair and waved me over.
“Why not have them bring it in?” I asked as I watched the king struggle a little to balance the two glasses in one hand.
“I don’t want anyone to see you like this,” he said.
