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“Why are you here?” I demanded.
“Several reasons. Can I come upstairs?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“I promise I’ll sit on one side of the couch and you can sit on the other and I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
I sighed. “It’s probably stupid of me to concede, but okay. Come upstairs.”
When we got into my apartment, I closed the door after him. “Something to drink?”
“No. I’m fine.” He stared at me from several strides away.
“Where do you want to start?” I asked.
“How about we sit.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Sitting. Sitting is good.”
Neither of us made a move.
He raked a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have left the restaurant.”
“Maybe not. I get why you did, though.”
“No, you don’t.” He shook his head. “I left as much from Tavy’s news as I did because you were sitting across from me. I can’t be in public with you and not want to touch you, hold you, look at you. God damn it, Logan. It’s all I can do not to stare at you like a fucking schoolboy with his first crush.”
“I don’t know what to do with that.”
“I’m just telling you. My cards are on the table, okay? I know you just got out of a shit situation. I know you uprooted your life and you’re just getting your bearings. I know I’m seventeen years older than you. I know I’m your best friend’s father. I know all that. But it doesn’t change the fact that I want this. I want you.”
“Smoke,” I whispered.
“I don’t want to hide this. I get why you do. But the longer we hide, the more pissed she’s going to be. Because you and I both know this isn’t casual. This isn’t just two people hooking up and going our separate ways.”
“How can you know that?” I asked, my voice cracking. “I was with Knox for three years and I was never sure about him. How can you know after, what, a couple of rolls in the hay? A couple of late-night conversations?”
Smoke marched toward me and gently cradled my face in his palms. “I know because I know. Are you scared because you feel things with me you never felt with him? Or are you scared that I’m going to break your heart?”
“I’m scared that you know exactly what I’m feeling without me even having to vocalize it,” I admitted.
Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. Smoke bent down to brush them away with his lips.
“I’m worried it’s too soon,” I said.
His lips grazed the apple of my cheek.
“I’m worried I don’t know how to be by myself so I’m falling in love with the first man who’s good to me.”
His mouth covered mine.
Gentle.
Understanding.
