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“Yes, you sure are. Let’s both run around in our undies, but when it’s time to go to the bathroom – we’ll run in here and use the potty because we are big boys… aren’t we?”
Zane’s eyes lit up, and he clapped happily – and twenty minutes later, his son was shrieking like a mad fiend, yanking off his britches and streaking across the house in a panic to make it to the potty so ‘Pooh Bear didn’t get all wet with the bad, BAD pee-pee,’and it actually worked.
His son went to the bathroom in the potty.
Okay, so maybe he got slapped like a man getting fresh with a woman by a three-year-old wielding a spatula like a lightsaber – and sure he was marked with three purple lines on his cheek that would be hard to explain at work tomorrow, but he taught his kid to go to the bathroom in the toilet.
Daddy – one.
Zane – one… due to the spatula.
* * *
Hours later, Colton ordered pizza because he was so darn exhausted and had a throbbing headache. He’d literally had his butt handed to him by a pint-sized terror that acted like Napoleon. Everything was Zane’s way, or he screamed, cried, or flopped down on the ground boneless… and while Colton knew it was wrong and his son was acting up.
He simply didn’t have it in him to fight it.
The two of them were both sitting on the couch, in their underwear, watching television, and Colton was nearly half asleep when the front door opened, and Eris walked in. She stopped in her tracks, blinked several times, and then covered her face with both hands, making a noise.
“I shouldn’t ask… should I?”
“I’m so tired that I’m not sure I could explain it intelligibly.”
“Daddy’s idj…it!” Zane announced – causing Colton to slam his head back in frustration against the back of the couch at his son’s incredible timing, but heard the greatest sound in the world not a second later.
Eris’s uncontrollable laughter.
“Hold on – I’ve got to get a picture of this,” she chuckled in sheer delight, and he didn’t have the heart to say no… nor the energy. Instead, he sat there on the couch, in his underwear just like Zane, and yanked a throw pillow over his lap in the nick of time as the flash went off.
“What’s going on?”
“Mama, I pottied!” Zane called out happily, scrambling down, and Colton immediately flew forward to catch his son so he didn’t tumble down again.
“You went potty? In the big toilet?”
“Yes… uh oh!”
And Colton couldn’t help the grin on his face as Zane yanked down his underwear for the twentieth time today in front of Eris’s shocked face. Zane went streaking across the house, completely naked, before announcing, ‘I gots it!’ from the bathroom.
Colton looked at Eris who was standing there holding the tiny pair of Winnie the Pooh underwear hanging from her first finger, looking dumbstruck.
“You’re kidding me…” she whispered.
“Nope,” he chuckled, holding up his hand. “Three, two, one…”
Before Eris could question the reason behind his counting, Zane was already racing back into the living room, jumping up at her grabbing his underwear. He unabashedly stood there, putting them on and was literally talking to his pants where the characters were imprinted on the cotton.
“Hi Pooh… I back! Imma good boy, Mama!”
“You are a good boy,” Eris said in disbelief, looking at Colton again.
“We’ve done this routine for the last seven hours… which is why I’m in my briefs. Apparently, I’m not allowed to wear pants in case I need to go potty according to Zane. We had a bonding moment, I suppose. Oh, and FYI – I’ve been slapped, have a whopper of a headache, and I’ve been peed on twice…”
“Oh, Colton, I’m so sorry. You look so tired.”
“I’m cold, embarrassed that I’m dressed like this, and honestly,” he hesitated, chuckling. “I loved every second of today. It was probably the best day I’ve had in months. I mean, I felt like a dad, you know, Eris? I was his Daddy today, and I am sincerely whupped. Could I please ask you to hand me my pants over there so I can make myself decent? The pizza will be delivered any minute for dinner.”
Only to hear a knock at the front door.
