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“Take your time,” he said quietly and went back to making their breakfast. Glancing toward Zane, he saw he was on his last little pancake. “Zane, do you want another one, buddy?”
“Yeshhh…” His son’s little smile as he held up part of his half-eaten pancake was priceless, and he felt his heart turn over. Nothing had prepared him for what it would feel like to meet his child, his son, his legacy; and no words could describe the sensation – except it was not one he was willing to let go of easily.
“What if I wanted to date someone or found someone else someday?” Eris said quietly from behind him, and Colton stiffened, not turning around. No, her words were like a knife to his heart, and she was waiting for a response.
“Well, I’d hope that maybe someday we could give this another try between us, or you might give me a chance,” he said hoarsely, thinking. “But if the day came that you wanted out – I would still want us to manage to be friends.”
“This isn’t some ploy to get back into my pants?”
“Eris,” he sighed heavily, sliding her pancake onto a plate and handing it to her. “We’ll get you a bed for the other room so you can stay with Zane. I’m not pushing you for more, and I think we need a lot of healing before that ever happens…”
“It might not,” she said bluntly.
“It might not,” he conceded quietly, agreeing with her and realizing that things could actually be that broken between them. “But you are still the mother to my child – and I still want you both here… with me.”
“But marriage?”
“I’m committed to trying this between us – and I want you to know that. I want Zane to have my name,” he repeated and looked at Zane, giving him a thumbs-up. “I’m cooking your pancake now, buddy.”
“M’kay,” Zane replied easily, giving him the little thumbs-up – but with his first finger. Colton smiled because he just couldn’t get that right, and it was adorable to him. He saw his son’s face change slightly as he looked at him again. “What’s yur name?”
Colton heard Eris’s quickly drawn breath and looked at her, not bothering to his expression. Her eyes met his, and he saw the fear combined with warring doubts within her. Gosh, she was so stubborn sometimes, he thought, feeling the frustration build within him as she waited.
The silence hung in the air.
“’Cuse me…” Zane asked again. “What’s yur name, man?”
“He’s incredibly smart,” Colton whispered to her and saw Eris close her eyes as her throat worked… and nodded.
She was agreeing to his offer! He turned to look at his son and felt tears sting his eyes as he said the words he never imagined he would utter aloud – nor the pride and joy that came with them.
“Zane, I’m your Daddy.”
* * *
Two hours later, that joy was struggling to hang on with all its might.
Colton was trying not to pressure her but was absolutely convinced that the longer Eris had to think about things, the more likely she was to back out. No, he needed to get this done quickly and on the books so that they could begin again… as unromantic as that seemed.
“Let’s run a few errands and pick out some necessities for you both. I’ll leave you my card when I go to work if you need anything,” he offered quietly to where she was sitting silently in the passenger seat, staring out the window.
They had taken her car because she had a car seat for Zane, and he’d offered to drive so she didn’t have to sit in a seat that squished. Yeah, he put down a towel and covered the seat with a trash bag, vowing to take it to the dealership to get it fixed if he couldn’t repair it himself. She wasn’t ignoring him, but she was certainly lost in her own mind right now, and he was filled with doubts, struggling.
As they got to the courthouse, filled out the paperwork, and exchanged simple vows before the magistrate… he could see those same doubts in her eyes.
“You may kiss your bride, Mr. Fischer,” the magistrate offered, finishing the brief ceremony that seemed so cold. They weren’t smiling, didn’t have rings, and barely spoke. Yeah, this was anything but ‘fun’ for either of them.
Colton leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss to her pinched lips, fighting back a groan of awareness. She was clamming up just like she used to do. If anyone pushed her too hard, she would shut down, and she was doing that very thing right now with Zane standing beside them, not understanding what was going on.
“I swear I’ll be good to you,” he promised gently before backing away. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
Her tight nod was all the indication she gave that she was listening – but that was okay. The paperwork was filed, they were married, and Zane now had Fischer as his last name… and he was on the birth certificate. Oh yes, he’d been very firm with that last request. If something ever happened to either of them, he wanted his son taken care of.
Another gloomy hour passed on what should have been the happiest day of their lives, and it felt perfunctory. They were at Target, going through the aisles, and he was having to ask questions repeatedly to see if they needed an item because he genuinely didn’t know.
“What about toilet latches?” he asked, holding up the safety item and looking at her. “Do these work? Is this an issue? Can he get the toilet open when he’s potty trained or should we skip this? Eris? Hello?”
“Skip it.”
