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Just seeing that look she knew so well, realizing just how similar they were, and how much he was trying to keep calm about it, well, it really hit home. He could have yelled, flipped his lid, started snapping at her – like the old Colton she once knew but life had obviously changed them both.
“You’re right,” she sighed, putting Zane in the wooden chair, realizing that none of them really matched around the round table. There were four different wooden chairs, and she smiled sadly. Classic Colton, she mused, so long as it functioned, it worked – just like his truck.
“I’m right?”
The surprise in his voice caused her to look up at him. Had she once been so hardheaded about things? He looked so shocked standing there that she rolled her eyes, unsure how to respond or if she needed to say something about it.
“Zane, be careful in the chair and chew slowly,” she instructed, but her son was already picking up one of the raspberries and staring at it in awe. It was perched on his finger and, not a second later, in his mouth.
“Mmmm is good, Mama…”
Colton sat down on the other side of Zane, her son, watching him as he shoveled another mauled raspberry into his mouth. Watching the two of them really hit her in the gut because it was so glaringly obvious seeing them together.
“They’re good,” Colton said softly. “Aren’t they, buddy?”
Her son must really like the raspberries, she mused, holding back a smile. Usually, Zane would ask her if she wanted a ‘bite’ – but instead, he was devouring the small pile of berries in record time. Not a second later, she looked up to see Colton’s eyes on her.
“Eat, Eris,” he invited quietly, and she nodded, picking up her slice of toast.
It was so weird to think of them like this, and it felt almost familial to have the three of them here, together. Colton seemed so fascinated with Zane. He was currently rolling a few raspberries off the edge of his plate onto Zane’s – making her son chuckle as he picked them up and held them for inspection before popping them in his mouth with a happy sound of contentment.
She didn’t want to think of him like this because she’d held onto that particular night in her mind for so long. Each word was a dagger to her soul. The one time that things had gotten so far out of control and she’d given in, despite her wanting to wait for marriage. He’d been so sweet, so loving, having asked her, ‘are you sure’ at least twenty times… only to have it all fall apart not seconds afterward.
Colton had jumped out of the bed and away from her, cursing angrily as he ran from the bedroom. His words echoed off the bathroom walls, embedding themselves like daggers in her mind.
The condom broke?! Oh my gosh! This can’t be happening to me! I can’t be some kid’s daddy. I don’t even want kids. What am I gonna do? She’s gonna flip out. Heck, I’m flipping out! I don’t wanna get married yet or deal with any of this.
Oh yes, each word hurt – especially the unspoken ones. Eris had shared of herself, thought it was something beyond beautiful between them… yet he leaped away from her like she was some monster. She felt such shame lying there, feeling used and betrayed. Those moments when he was in the bathroom alone, having his little mental freakout… she had been having her own.
He doesn’t love me? He lied to me just to be able to fool around and sleep with me? We should have talked about things like this if we were in a true relationship and now – after all of this - I’m finding out that he doesn’t want to get married? He doesn’t want children in his future, and I do. What happens now? What if we made a baby? What am I going to do? Why is he being like this?
Colton had exited the bathroom, looking like a ghost with a towel wrapped around his hips – and she immediately gathered the sheet to her, covering herself from him.
“You should go,” he’d said hoarsely, nearly in tears. “I need to think and be alone.”
Eris had dressed quickly, feeling such regret, shame, disappointment, and betrayal at his words. He hadn’t even thought of her or her feelings at that moment. No, he’d been concerned with what would happen to him. In that moment, her life and mindset changed immediately.
Colton didn’t call her for almost two weeks. When he finally did, she ignored it. She was upset, angry, hurt, and then she missed her period. He’d shown up at her work, asking her bluntly if she was pregnant – and she lied.
She lied directly to his face.
“No,” she’d told him – and saw the relief on his face combined with a fervently whispered ‘Thank you, God’ that hurt so much.
“I’ll call you later when I get off work at the station,” he volunteered, looking like his old self… but she wasn’t the same. No, she was indeed pregnant and had scheduled her first checkup during her lunch break, not two hours earlier.
When he left, she stood there silently watching him. She needed space, distance, and a fresh start because while he might have given up on being a part of her life when things got tough, she was about to buckle down and deal with things like an adult.
No, she wasn’t the same girl that would follow him adoringly because having witnessed him at his worst had given her new insight into their relationship – or lack thereof.
A pregnancy was not something she could hide – and not something he wanted. She had lied to him to protect him, to give him a sense of relief while taking the unknown burden on herself. If he didn’t want a child or children in his future, and she did. She’d just been gifted one by the man who owned her heart and always would, no matter how much she didn’t like him at that moment.
At twenty-four years old, she had been an adult and made decisions that affected her life and her future and would deal with them… however at twenty-five, Colton had not been mature in the slightest – and that much was evident now.
The man before her did not act nor react the same. He was looking at her son, her son, with avid curiosity and wonder as they played with their food together… and saw the differences in his eyes, his face from years ago. But that jaded young woman kept whispering in the back of her mind...
How long is it going to take to see Colton at his worst once again?
Getting up, Eris picked up the kitchen rag draped over the faucet over the sink and wet it, wiping down Zane’s face and fingers with practiced ease. Colton stood up immediately, getting the plates and joining her in the kitchen, and she sighed despondently.
