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Sadie studied River, seeing the boy she’d met in Salem, even though his face wasn’t the same any longer. Jasper had been sweet, like River, yet they both always had that edge. She then remembered how the blood inside the cauldron would churn once poured in, the metallic smell wafting in the air. The blood had been the tears they’d taken from the malevolent spirits, tears they would drink when needed. The fiends had no eyes, so they would collect the tears from the spirits without being harmed. Although they could be touched by them since they’d once been a part of them, the spirits couldn’t touch anyone else, only kill with their eyes locking with another. The room with the hearts had been those from the animals. They’d taken them before changing them into moths. And their hearts had continued to beat and bleed within the room to ensure they would live as long as Harlow and River did. Unless a spirit got to them. Without opening the door to that room, she knew the hearts would be shriveled, no longer dripping blood.
As she stared at the cauldron now, she thought about his question, how it made her feel.
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I regret the things we did or if I just wish things could’ve been different. Part of it feels like an old black-and-white film, whereas this life feels more real. And would I do anything of that nature now? I would like to say no. If that’s regret, then maybe I do have a bit of it.” She met his warm gray eyes. “But what I do regret is threatening Ada and Eben because, without the hex, our child would’ve been safe.”
He drew her to his chest, entangling his fingers in her hair. “The past is a part of us, a thing that never truly dies.”
“It circles us the way birds search for prey.”
Chapter Eighteen
“We are the wicked, we are the monsters, and together we own the night.”
Sadie continued to stare at the empty cauldron in the center of the room, both haunted by what she’d done and furious not only at Ada but her father and Jasper’s coven. Ada was gone, and yet her spell lived on. Sadie knew she shouldn’t continue to place blame, but she remembered the lashes from her father against her back, the same from Jasper’s coven with how they punished her before preparing to burn her. How her father had tightened the noose around Jasper’s throat until he was blue in the face, driving so much fear in her that she couldn’t breathe, could only do one single thing. Why couldn’t everyone have just let them be? Why hadn’t she noticed Ada in the woods before it was too late?
And really, Sadie had never gotten to mourn the loss of her child or any of the other pregnancies over the centuries in this body. Because she hadn’t known. And what if she had gotten pregnant in this life? Some losses could be mistaken for heavy cycles. She couldn’t think about that aspect, otherwise she would fracture and break apart. However, where was her child now? Hidden somewhere in these woods too? Or somewhere else, waiting to be born? Darkness churned within her, her nostrils flaring, and maybe it was better at the moment that she couldn’t chant a spell until she calmed herself. But all she could focus on was the past…
Harlow hissed as Ada applied an herbal remedy over the lashings she’d received from her father.
“You knew Papa would say no,” Ada said softly, pressing another strip to Harlow’s back. “You should have kept Jasper hidden from him. I warned you to.”
“I want a proper betrothal. Not to marry another and secretly meet with Jasper when my husband is away or busy with a task. I don’t want to tumble another man and not know whose child it is I’m carrying,” Harlow whispered. “I was planning to lie about what Jasper was, but Papa knew instantly.”
“You knew as well. One witch can always spot another. Even if they don’t realize it at first—they eventually will.”
“Hand me my dress.” Harlow pushed up, wincing at the pain. Yet it wasn’t as piercing now that the remedy had been applied.
“Can’t you at least wait a night?” Ada asked, handing her a simple black dress.
Harlow shook her head. “No. I should slip nightshade in his tea.”
“Papa would easily know, then he would force you to drink it.” Ada placed her hand gently on Harlow’s arm after she pulled the dress over her head. “I’ll keep him distracted and tell him you retired for the evening. He should be asleep soon, anyway. But please be careful.”
“Thank you,” Harlow murmured. “You have a good heart like Mama.”
“As do you. But you also have the feisty side Mama had to keep hidden from Papa.” Ada smiled. Harlow remembered how when her father was out tending the crops, her mother would become livelier, take a break from chores and remove her shoes, then bring the sisters out to the back of the house where she would dance with them, spin macabre tales that made Harlow giddy and starved for more. Would take them into the woods and have them carve a word in a tree to show how they felt that day, or even help keep Harlow’s stories hidden away from her father.
Harlow bid her sister goodbye and snuck out the window into the dying day. The sun was sinking into darkness, and she hurried past a few neighboring cottages and toward the woods.
As she went deeper into the foliage, she passed trees that still had the carved words from her, Ada, and their mother. Her chest tightened, but she held back the tears for her, always missing her, even years later.
Harlow slowed to a stop near the tree where she’d engraved her and Jasper’s names. She sat on one of the large rocks and waited, unable to dance like she normally did when the moon came about. Jasper’s boots sounded, and she stood to face him, smiling even though her back was in pain.
He lifted her and backed her into a tree, as he always did, as she usually loved, but a painful gasp escaped her lips.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking her away from the bark and righting her on her feet.
Harlow shook her head, not looking into his worried, emerald green eyes. “Nothing.”
“It’s something.”
“Papa lashed my back today.”
“He what?” Jasper’s fists tightened, and his face grew red with anger—rage like she’d never seen on him before. Not even when her father denied them marriage had he shown it.
“Ada used a healing ointment. I’ll be fine in a few days.”
He lifted her chin. “Can I see? I’ll take the pain away sooner.”
