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“Why? Do you think I would judge you?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s more that…telling you about aspects of my past would change the way you see me. The less you know the better.”
“But we’ll never truly know each other if you don’t tell me who you really are.”
Her chin jerked upward, as if someone jabbed her with a hot poker. “You think I haven’t told you who I am?”
“Have you?”
She grabbed her pen and clasped one hand around it in a way that reminded me of the way a person would hold a knife right before they jabbed it into your heart. “The less you know about my past, the better. I want to forget all of it and start over. I’ve told you that.”
“Yeah, good luck with that,” I said. “The past has a way of lingering around like a bad smell you can’t find.”
Chloe was shouting for me, so I excused myself and headed that direction, unsettled. What was she hiding? Was it something that could hurt her and Chloe? Maybe all of us?
I couldn’t obsess about it now. There was an adorable blue-eyed girl who wanted my attention.
* * *
As I’d told Sammie earlier, the idea to put up a swing had come to me in the middle of the night. When we were kids, Pop had hung a wooden swing from the tree in front of the house. Over the years the wood and rope had decayed until it was no longer safe to use. By then we’d grown too old for swinging anyway, so we took it down from the sturdy branch without much thought. I’d spent many an afternoon swinging under the branch of that tree, dreaming of my future. Now we had a child living on the property, and she needed a swing to dream about her own future. What would she dream of? Would any of it ever come true, given the transient nature of her life? Even though Sammie wouldn’t admit it, I had the feeling she was always one foot out the door. She reminded me of this skittish barn cat we’d had a few years back. We could never pin him down for long before he ran away as if his tail was on fire.
Chloe pressed her small hand into mine, which made my heart do a little flip. “We go to the chicks now, Tad?”
The th sound wasn’t her strongest. I didn’t mind.
“That’s right,” I said. “You must be careful, though, and don’t try to pick them up or touch them. They’re very small.”
“Peck me?”
“No, they’re nice chicks who will grow up and give us lots of eggs. They’re our friends, so don’t worry. We just have to be careful not to hurt them.”
“Okay.” She began to skip while still holding my hand.
We found Soren at the water trough with his favorite horse.
“You take Matilda out this morning?” I asked. He and Matilda often went out for an early-morning ride through the meadows and rolling hills on our property. Matilda, our youngest and most robust horse, was his favorite. Several of the others had been with us since I was a teenager. Like Mama and Pop, they’d slowed down a little, which made them perfect rides for inexperienced guests.
“We’re here to see the chicks,” I said.
“Go on in. They’re expecting you.” Soren chuckled at his own joke.
“They know we here?” Chloe asked.
“No, he’s only teasing. Let’s go see them,” I said.
We walked past the barn to the chicken coop. The hens pecked and clucked in their pen, searching for bugs and worms. Chloe waved at them before we went inside where our girls had their nests and boxes and the chicks lived under a warming light in a wooden box. Straw covered the bottom to provide a nice soft bed. Soren would have it no other way.
Chloe let go of my hand and knelt by the chicks, instantly bewitched by the adorable puffballs. They peeped and preened as if showing off for their human friend. I watched, as amused by Chloe as she was by the baby chickens.
While she was occupied, I perched on a bale of hay to think about what her mother had said to me in the kitchen. Sammie remained a mystery, protecting her secrets. I’d learned little from that conversation, other than a feeling. She was drawn to me as I was to her. If it weren’t for her past, we might have a chance. I’d ask her out on a date, and we’d go somewhere nice and laugh and talk, like normal people. But there was nothing normal about the woman I’d fallen in love with.
I got up to kneel with Chloe by the box. “They’re cute little girls, aren’t they?”
“Don’t hurt them,” Chloe said in a slightly chastising tone.
“That’s right. We’ll be very careful.” I lifted one out of the cheeping brood and cradled her in my hands. “You can pet her if you want.”
One plump finger reached out to stroke the top of its head. Chloe snatched her hand away as fast as she’d put it there. “Not hard. Gentle.”
