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Twisting to face him fully, I grab him by the collar and hold him hard as I growl, “Don’t think I can’t tell exactly what you’re doing. You deliberately provoked this fight and then let me beat you half to death just because you knew how desperately I needed an outlet.”
His warm brown eyes are full of understanding as he looks back at me, but he still tries to put on a show by letting a mocking grin spread across his lips. “Half to death? As usual, I think you’re overestimating your own abilities, brother.”
Giving him a flat look, I release his collar with a shove and turn back to face the messy room.
“Bastard,” I mutter.
“Asshole,” he retorts, and I don’t need to look at him to hear the smile in his voice.
For a while, the only thing that breaks the stillness is the rain pattering on the windows. Light from the bright lamp above fills the kitchen with a warm glow. Outside, the night is dark.
Dragging in a deep breath, I tilt my head back and rest it against the smooth surface behind me. Jace sits quietly next to me, his shoulder so close that it almost brushes mine. I rake my fingers through my hair before resting my forearms on my knees again.
“Thank you,” I say at last.
“Anytime,” Jace replies, and once again I can hear the smile in his voice.
Silence falls over our combined kitchen and living room for another few seconds. Then Jace shatters it with a statement that stuns me.
“After all, you do it for me all the time.”
Tilting my head back down, I glance at my brother from the corner of my eye while surprise still ripples through me. “You’ve noticed that, huh?”
“Of course I have.” Still facing the kitchen table, he slides a sideways glance at me as well. “But most times when you do it, I need the fight you’re offering me so badly that I don’t call you on your bullshit.”
We shift our gazes back to the toppled chairs.
Most people assume that Jace is too loud and chaotic to notice what’s going on underneath the surface, but he’s far more perceptive than people give him credit for.
I blow out a long sigh, suddenly feeling drained and exhausted now that the storm of emotions inside me has faded. “How do you do it?”
“How do I do what?”
At last, I turn to face him fully again. Because I need an answer to this question. I need it desperately.
“How do you handle feeling so much?” I ask.
He turns as well, meeting my gaze with an expression I can’t quite read. “Who says I do?”
“Oh, come on. Between you, me, Eli, and Rico, you’re the most normal and capable one of us all in terms of handling emotions.”
He snorts. “Yeah, but to be fair, that particular bar is on the fucking floor.”
I chuckle. “True.”
We fall silent for a while. Turning back to the toppled chairs, I draw my fingers through my hair again and heave another sigh. Jace pushes up from the floor. For a moment, I panic, thinking that he’s going to leave. But he just walks over to the freezer and grabs two ice packs. Dropping one in my lap, he sits down right next to me again and holds the other to his bruised jaw.
Soothing coldness spreads through my skin and numbs the lingering ache as I pick up the ice pack and hold it to the bruise on my own jaw.
“Seriously,” I say, still staring straight ahead. “How do you do it? I saw Alina cry last week and I cared. I cared so much that I almost killed two people for it.”
That makes Jace turn towards me and raise his eyebrows.
I twist my head to meet his gaze and grumble, “What? I said I almost killed them.”
He just holds up his free hand as if in surrender.
“The point is that I cared,” I continue, heaving a defeated sigh. “I cared that she was hurt. And I don’t fucking care about people.” Desperation ripples through me, and I hold Jace’s gaze with serious eyes. “Out of the four of us, you are the one who handles shit like this the best.”
