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“And you, did you believe in ghosts before you became one yourself?”
Excellent question!
“I don't know. I have no memory of who I was before.”
Saying this out loud makes my chest tighten, as if the tingling inside me has suddenly become more tangible. This is my real problem: I don't know who I am. As for my death, it too remains a mystery.
“Don't you remember anything?”
It's my turn to shake my head, in the grip of too much emotion.
“Not even your nearest and dearest, your family?”
Once again, nothingness comes to me. Oblivion has seized every last shred of memory, obliterating my past existence and no doubt the one to come.
“How can this be?” she murmurs, incredulous. “Perhaps your death was so tragic that your mind preferred to conceal it...”
Her guess makes sense. But I like to stick to the facts. And the fact is, I don't know anything about anything—or almost anything—including that which concerns me directly. All I retain are vague recollections that blend different eras and general knowledge.
“Who are you?” I ask, suddenly realizing that I still don't know her first name.
“Believ.”
“Mmm, nice.”
Although I don't know what I look like at this moment, I try to give her a smile.
“And entirely appropriate,” I add, now convinced that our meeting was no accident.
Who better to assist me in my quest than someone called Believ? It's providential.
“Believ, I need you.”
“I can't help you. I've got to get back to work,” she says, clearly preoccupied.
She pauses, deep in thought, and finishes,
“I used to do all this out of obligation. Now I know it's useful. All the more reason for me to continue my mission, you understand? Besides, I don't really have a choice...”
There's always a choice.
“Helping me will be useful too. Something's not right here. I need to understand what happened, and I can't do it without you to help me investigate. Can you imagine me asking questions?”
“Not really.”
“This shouldn't take too long. You do a little research, and I'll get out of your way. Deal?”
“Okay. I give up. I have only one demand: you must obey me without question.”
She's my only chance, and I've got to take it.
“You can count on me.”
I decided to go to the nearest town, to do some brief research and hope to find one. I spent a whole day pacing the most sordid bars, the least well-frequented alleys. Nothing. No Sin Eater. And no one was able to tell me more. Most were stunned by my explanations. Others, who seemed to know what I was talking about, turned away, disgusted that I should wish to make contact with this scourge. They certainly feared being contaminated. I don't blame them, despite the bitterness that's beginning to consume me.
But I can't give up.
Eltz's journal
