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Slowly, cautiously, I force myself to remain still as the doctor reaches through the bars, syringe in hand. She’s trembling, and I can see the fear in her eyes. I don’t blame her – even I don’t know if I’m going to attack or not.
Calm. Stay calm!
“That’s it, honey,” she soothes, inching ever closer. “Just trust me. You can do this.”
I hold my breath, fighting against the wolf’s base urges as the needle pierces my skin. The antidote floods my veins, and for a moment, everything goes still.
We wait, the doctor and I, both frozen in that single moment of hope and dread.
I’ve almost given up on that hope when the change begins.
I can feel it starting deep within me, a burning ache that spreads through my muscles and bones. I grit my teeth, bracing myself as the first wave washes over me.
Limbs twist and stretch as fur pulls back and skin stretches taut over newly formed curves and angles. My muzzle compresses inward, blunt teeth forming. The beast howls in outrage as its form is stripped away, leaving me gasping and shuddering on the cold floor.
The doctor moves quickly, reaching through the bars with a blanket.
“Here. I brought this,” she says. Trembling, my teeth chattering, I reach for it and wrap it around myself. I clutch it tight, the coarse fabric grounding me as the last traces of the wolf fade into the depths of my mind. But it’s still there, prowling at the edges of my consciousness, a constant reminder of the wildness that lurks inside me.
It takes me a moment to gather myself, to get my breath back as I crouch on the floor. “It’s harder,” I say hoarsely. “Harder to change back. It…hurts.” I’m not used to feeling like I’m waging war against myself when I shift.
“That’s probably because what you’re going through isn’t natural,” she says. “Whatever they gave you has messed with your body chemistry. It’s like you’re being forced to rewire yourself when you fight it.”
“Fuck.” I hunch over. Another shudder wracks through me.
“Easy now,” the doctor murmurs. “Just breathe, honey. You’re safe.”
Safe. The word resonates within me, and suddenly, it’s like a dam has burst. Memories come flooding back in a torrent of fear and confusion.
“I… I don’t know what happened,” I rasp, my voice raw. “One minute everything was fine, and the next…” I trail off, shaking my head helplessly.
The doctor waits patiently as I struggle to gather my thoughts. “After Barrett and I…” Heat rushes to my cheeks at the memory of his lips, his hands, his body moving against mine. “We sealed the bond,” I continue haltingly. “And then I felt this… pull. Like the moon herself was calling to me.”
I run a hand through my tangled hair, agitated. “I had to go to her, to bathe in her light. I was pulled there…couldn’t resist it. Like nothing else mattered.” My breath comes in short, sharp bursts as the wolf’s howl echoes through my mind.
“And then?” The doctor’s voice pulls me back.
“Then… nothing. Just flashes. Blood, fear, the hunt.” I swallow hard, fighting back the nausea that rises in my throat. “I can’t make sense of it. The emotions were too strong, too overwhelming. They brought the beast forward until…until there was nothing left of me.”
My hands are shaking now, and I curl them into fists, nails biting into my palms. The doctor lays a gentle hand on my arm, her touch grounding me.
“It’s alright, Cedara. We’ll figure this out,” she soothes. “Just take a deep breath and start from the beginning.”
I nod jerkily, forcing myself to focus on the here and now. On the damp chill of the cell seeping into my bones, the tang of fear thick in the air, the unyielding bars that separate me from the rest of the world.
I am not the beast!
I am Cedara.
I’m Cedara!
I feel my head clearing slightly. “I was outside…visiting Mother Moon.”
“Outside your apartment?”
“Outside the walls.”
“You got outside Steel Lakes? But how?” She looks confused.
