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I lean back against the sofa cushions, a wistful smile tugging at my lips as my mind drifts to our honeymoon. After that first explosive encounter on the beach, we barely left the bedroom. We made love repeatedly, mapping each other's bodies with hands and lips and tongues, learning every secret place that made the other gasp and moan.
It was more than just physical pleasure, though. In those moments, tangled up in the sheets with the hot press of Gabriel's skin against mine, I felt a connection I've never experienced before. A sense of rightness.
But I can't let myself dwell on that, on the fragile hope that whispers maybe, just maybe, he feels it too. I know the terms of our agreement. No love, no children. Just a mutually beneficial arrangement.
I signed that contract with eyes wide open, knowing full well what I was giving up. I didn't have a choice. Oscar's mounting medical bills, his need for that experimental treatment...I would have done anything to save my brother.
And I don't regret it, even now. Because Oscar’s treatment is scheduled for five weeks from now. And Gabriel has been so good to us. Better than I ever could have hoped.
In the weeks since we returned to Garnet City, we've settled into a comfortable routine. Gabriel goes to work during the day but is home in time for dinner, which makes my heart swell with gratitude. He listens attentively as Oscar chatters about his day at the community center or his latest doctor's appointment, asking questions and offering encouragement in equal measure.
I'm even enjoying my new role as Gabriel's wife, at least in the public eye. We hosted a dinner party last week for some of his business associates and I couldn't help the thrill that went through me every time he introduced me as "Mrs. Cross". The pride in his voice, the possessive hand at the small of my back...it made me feel cherished. Adored.
But I have to be careful. I can't let myself read too much into his actions, his words. Can't let myself believe that the way he looks at me when we're making love means anything more than physical desire.
We have a good life, a comfortable one. If I let myself fall any deeper, let myself hope for the impossible... I risk losing everything. And I won't do that to Oscar. I won't upend his world again, not when he's finally found stability and happiness.
If that means living with a half-full heart and never knowing the joy of cradling my child in my arms, so be it.
Shaking off my thoughts, I glance at the clock on the mantel. What's taking Gabriel and Oscar so long? I push to my feet and make my way towards Oscar's room, figuring they might have gotten distracted by one of his video games again.
But as I approach the partially open door, I hear the low rumble of Gabriel's voice, uncharacteristically gentle. Concerned. I pause, not wanting to interrupt.
"You were quieter than usual at dinner tonight, buddy," Gabriel is saying. "Everything okay?"
There's a beat of silence before Oscar answers, his voice small and unsure. "Someone at the community center...he called me stupid. Said I wasn't normal." He sniffles and my heart cracks in my chest. "I didn't want to tell Harper. She gets sad when people say mean stuff like that."
"Oh, Oscar." The sorrow in Gabriel's voice, the tender understanding...it brings tears to my eyes. "I'm so sorry that happened. But you know he’s wrong, right? You're not stupid. You're brilliant, in your own special way."
"I am?" Oscar sounds so painfully hopeful, so desperate for reassurance.
"Absolutely." Gabriel's voice is firm, almost fierce. "You see the world differently than most people. You find joy in little things, things others take for granted. That's a gift. A superpower."
"Like your leg?" Oscar asks, curious. "Harper said you're special too, 'cause you have a shorter leg."
Gabriel chuckles, but there's an edge of old pain to the sound that makes my chest ache. "Yeah, like my leg. I know what it feels like to be different, Oscar. To have people look at you and see someone defective or broken. But that doesn't make it true."
"It doesn't?"
"Not even a little. We're exactly who we're meant to be. And the people who really care for us? They see that. They celebrate it." Gabriel clears his throat, his voice going gruff with emotion. "I never had that growing up. Never had a mom or dad to tell me I was special, that I mattered. But I'm telling you now, Oscar. You matter. You're important and loved, just as you are."
Tears are sliding down my cheeks now, my heart so full it feels like it might burst. In that moment, listening to Gabriel comfort my brother with such genuine care and affection, I realize the truth I've been denying for weeks.
I'm in love with him. Desperately, irrevocably in love.
The knowledge crashes over me, stealing my breath and sending my pulse racing. I love him. I love his strength and his gentleness, his brilliant mind and his wounded heart. I love the way he's opened himself up to Oscar and me, the way he's let us into his life and his home without reservation.
But I can't tell him. I can't risk shattering the fragile peace we've found, jeopardizing Oscar's chance at a healthy future. He was clear about the terms of our marriage. If he finds out how I feel...it could ruin everything.
So I'll lock my feelings away. I'll content myself with the care he gives me, the moments of tenderness I can pretend mean more than they do. It's enough. It has to be.
Drawing in a shaky breath, I paste on a bright smile and push into the room. "There you are! I was thinking you'd forgotten about our game night."
Oscar jumps up from where he's sitting cross-legged on the floor, his face lighting up. "Twister time! I call dibs on green!"
Gabriel stands more slowly, his eyes finding mine. For a moment, I'm terrified he'll see the truth written all over my face, but he just smiles, soft and intimate. "Guess that leaves red for me and blue for you, baby."
Baby. The endearment rolls off his tongue so easily now, but it still makes my stomach flip every time. If only it meant what I long for it to mean...
