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Hating that he was being forced to wait, Thayer fought to control the irritation in his voice. “You had ten years to get to know your firebrand here. I have had nothing. You denied me a few moments each evening of supervised communication, Cyderial. I offered to allow you to restrain me, but you refused. I can read your journals and practice technique, but her personality is a mystery to me.”
Firm, Cyderial snarled, “It's not a question of restraint, old friend. To charge in and take her is against academy regulations. Were I to open that door, a new precedent would be set. Other unmated males would expect the same opportunity to access students. Humans would get involved, and that is a threat to all recruits. I am sorry, Thayer, but you cannot have access to her until graduation—not if you want to do this properly and impress her. Not if you wish to support her goals and uplift our species.”
The man began to swell with resentment, and it was very clear Cyderial was growing uncomfortable having his mate near the male when he was in such a state.
“How am I to teach her to love me, as you have taught Lorieyn, if I cannot get to know her? Both of you claim she will be terrified, and I have considerations in place for the opening. But give me something more to work with… or else the entire point of this experiment might be wasted.”
That wasn’t such a terrible idea.
I could tell Thayer the secret beauty of my friend in hopes that it would help her. Her personality was deeply known to me. I deferred to her leadership, respected her ambition, and loved her focus, and I let all that admiration color my voice as I spoke of Maeve. “When we’re alone in the dorms, Maeve makes lace out of old string. One complex pattern can take her a year or more. Her focus is unshakable. You’ll have to be prepared for that.”
“Tell me more.” Enraptured, Thayer forgot his impatience and grew soft.
“She’s brilliant at almost every subject but unskilled with a sword and at math. She will not suffer foolishness, so do not think to waste her time. Every female follows her example. If you confound her with male tricks instead of explaining things, she will not forgive it. Do you understand what I am saying?”
I had Thayer’s complete attention, the man just as adept at the male unblinking stare as the rest of them. “I do.”
Cyderial pulled me closer, nestling me into his side as I shared more. “Violence is not the way to get what you want. Allowing me to explain things to her will have helped you a great deal. She may allow you to….” I cleared my throat, forcing a smile. “She’s inquisitive; that’s what I am trying to say. Don’t rush things. Let her learn at her own pace, and she might even enjoy it.”
From the way his neck muscles strained, you’d think I asked him to swallow glass. “What does she like?”
Men who are not the size of a mountain with necks as thick as trees.
“Maeve was going to forgo the list in hopes of gaining a position working in hybrid regulations. She’s bitter right now to have been lied to. Her warranted disappointment is something you will have to handle with compassion. If you lock her away, you will break her spirit. Don’t waste her gifts by hoarding them from the rest of us. Be gentle with her when she learns the world is a dark place.”
Engrossed, he swallowed. And I would not have been surprised if Thayer were memorizing every last word. “Tell me more.”
“She’s fastidiously clean, a perfectionist. She will prefer manners over lewdness.”
A dark chuckle, and the man sat taller. “You’re wrong on that one.”
Cheeks bright-red, I pretended he had not spoken. “When we were in the city, we found a restaurant beside the reservoir near where you met us. The one with the little lights strung up over the tables. She wanted to go there and hear the music.”
The look on his face concerned me. It was the fanatical look of a man disgusted with the idea of sharing her.
Pulling away from where Cyderial would have me settle, I leaned over the table and narrowed my eyes. Protective of my friend, I let him hear the threat in my voice. “If you push her, she will test how far she can tolerate her heat. I’m not playing with you, Thayer. Maeve will suffer to deny you, and she will do it no matter the pain. Don’t lock her up unless you intend to seriously piss her off. She isn’t the top of her class merely because she is the smartest student; it’s because she is the best strategist. You will regret it if you mishandle her.”
Working to control himself, the man backed down, leaning back in his chair and ceding the space to me. “And if I do this, she will grow to love me the way you love him?”
But I didn’t love Cyderial. I leaned into my mate, because he was warm and there was a chill in the air. Because I fit perfectly against him. Because the addiction drove me to crave him. Because he could be sweet, and his touch felt like heaven. Yes, I may have been growing fond of him, but Thayer’s assumption that it was more… made me question things I was not ready to consider.
Such as my sanity that I had grown to appreciate Cyderial’s company and willingly reached for him in the dark.
Resting his hand atop the swell of my belly, Cyderial said, “Give her time to admit it to herself first.”
There was more to love than pleasure and comfort, or even fondness. Softly, I tried to explain, “Love cannot be born from a place of fear, even if the male is well meaning. That is not how females work.”
General Thayer cocked his head, saying, “But I have seen you take to him in ways most mates never take to their males.”
Because I had known just what he was capable of for ten years. Fear of Cyderial was part of my makeup. It was normal to me. Maybe I had grown overly accustomed to it. Maybe I made space for other feelings so I might survive.
Maybe there was something very wrong with me.
With a sigh, I looked back to that beautiful wall of fog and felt something flutter between my hearts. “Cyderial is composed. His urges are not his priority. I am. His attention is not self-serving. I will even admit it’s something I do have a growing affection for. I can make space for that feeling while acknowledging I also hold resentment and anger. And it may take an eternity for those darker feelings to fade. Remind Maeve of this when she is in your power. And be gentle with her if she struggles to forgive you. No matter how hard you try, she will be devastated to have lost her future. And she will need you to be patient. More patient than you are being right now.”
17
Cyderial would not stop smirking my way.
