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Even when I’d been in captivity it had always been my dream to one day get back to my son because being with him was where I always thought I belonged.
Then my dream became a reality and I got to be with my son again. But I felt like a burden to him because there was no denying the fact that I very much wasn’t normal anymore and he’d had a whole life he’d built for himself that I felt I didn’t fit into.
I had found my place that I did fit, my coven, my family.
And still, I did not want to give up the cottage.
I had earned this place. I had suffered here at the hands of two very evil women. They had sold me off and then I had suffered even more at the hands of people who were far more evil than I could have ever imagined possible.
And then my son had lived in this hellhole with those women and he’d been forced to suffer even worse than I had.
And still, after all of that, I did not want to walk away from this place.
I had thought coming back here that I would hate it and be flooded with horrific memories of monsters disguised as beautiful women.
But that never happened. The memories never came and it was just me here and my fucked up brain.
I had found some sense of home here when I never thought I would find that outside of my son.
Then I’d found Rain and Isobel had come along. Finn had just been an added bonus, like frosting on a cake. And I was starved for the sugar rush he’d give me.
How was I supposed to explain all of that to Rain when he was standing before me offering me everything I ever really wanted? I didn’t want to sound ungrateful or like I didn’t want him or the rest of the coven.
I did want them.
More than anything.
But I didn’t want to give what I’d felt I had earned up to get it.
If anyone would understand my feelings about this it would be Rain of all people. But I did not want to come off as weak to the man if I explained it to him.
I wanted to be equal to Rain Kimber in all ways.
I was smart enough to know I would never be equals with a man as incredible as Rain Kimber.
I didn’t resent him for it and by no means was I jealous of him.
That’s not what this was about.
And, deep down, I knew without a doubt he’d never seen me as weak and if he knew what I was thinking he wouldn't change his mind about me. Rain was nothing if not loyal to the people he cared about.
Rain leaned forward, distracting me from my thoughts, and placed his elbows on the table. “Talk to me, Rome. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”
If only it were that easy.
My brain was a complicated, jumbled up mess at the best of times. Explaining myself definitely didn’t always come out right and it wasn’t exactly the easiest thing for me to do.
I enjoyed my freedom too much and did not like having to explain myself to anyone.
Rain was meant to be one of the great loves of my life though and if anyone deserved an explanation from me it was certainly this man.
“I… I’m” I hesitated. “I’m not ready to leave this here for good. This… this place is the only one that’s ever felt like home, even when it was a place where I lived out my worst nightmares. I’m not ready to leave it behind quite yet. I’m honestly not sure I I ever will be.”
Shame wrapped around my throat like a tight fists, squeezing and threatening to cut off my oxygen.
Rain’s eyes filled with a deep understanding that I wasn’t so sure I deserved. “We’re all fucked up in the head, Romero. Even that pretty boy Finn has got demons we don’t know about and they’re riding him hard. He tries to hide them from us but it’s no use. I see right through the walls he puts up because I’ve got the same ones up myself. Isobel is a fucking disaster of a human being and I’m a closed off, cold hearted motherfucker. But you? You’re really good at pretending you’ve got it all together sometimes. So much so that I oftentimes forget you’re pretending and forget that you’re just as sad and fucked up as the rest of us, if not more.”
Well, if he was trying to make me feel better he seriously sucked at it. What was the point to rehashing shit with me that was so obvious he had to know I was already aware of it.
