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Belcalis nods. “Losing his family, and in such a brutal way.”
I nod. “I can’t imagine how devastating it must be.” I lost my parents more recently, so I can only begin to guess what it felt like for Keita at nine years old, the disorientation and loss.
“That why he’s emitting so much heat?” This question comes from Adwapa, who’s now beside us, her brow slick with sweat. “He’s like a gods-damned furnace, that one.”
I sigh. “I’ll talk to him,” I say.
But Belcalis shakes her head. “Let me.” When I slow to glance at her, she explains: “I know he’s your sweetheart, Deka, but he’s also my friend. Perhaps the truest male friend I’ll ever have.” She seems almost pained to admit: “I…care about him.”
A shocking development. Belcalis is not what you would call friendly to those of the masculine persuasion. Or to people in general, for that matter.
But perhaps she is Keita friendly.
I nod. “Of course.”
Belcalis runs forward. Much to my surprise, she puts her arm around Keita’s shoulder despite the heat still pouring off him. I’m even more shocked when he doesn’t shrug it off or move faster. Instead, he slows to half lean into it, allowing her to comfort him. A pang shoots through my heart.
Keita won’t accept my comfort, but he will accept Belcalis’s. He’ll lean on her the way he won’t lean on me. I can’t help but feel injured by that.
“Let them have their moment.” When I turn, Adwapa is watching the direction of my eyes, her gaze shrewd.
“I know, but—”
“It pains you?” Adwapa nods. “Except it’s not that he’s rejecting you—he’s pretending to be strong for you.”
“But I can be strong for him too.”
“In good time,” Adwapa says. “But you have worries of your own to sort out.” Her eyes are sharp in the gloom as she gazes at me. “I heard what you said to Karmoko Thandiwe earlier. About being afraid to fail.”
When I glance up at her, startled, her expression is gentle now.
“You’ll be a wonderful god, Deka,” she says. “And an attractive one too. Have you seen the Idugu? Hideous, the lot of them.”
As I laugh, startled, she nods at me, so much love in her eyes. “Everything will be as it should be,” she continues.
“And if it isn’t?”
“Then you’ll have me. And Asha, and Britta, and the uruni, and Belcalis, and Katya, and even Keita—even though he’s being a bit of a pissfart at the moment. I know you’ve been in pain and fear and anger this past month, but I’m here with you—”
“As are the rest of us.” This comment comes from Britta, who has stopped running and is now walking up to me with Asha and Katya by her side, all their eyes filled with compassion.
My tears begin flowing again. “Oh, you,” I sniffle. “I love you all.”
“And we love you,” Adwapa says calmly. “If everything goes to shit, you’re not alone, Deka. You have us.”
“To the end of the world an’ back,” Britta says.
“And even if it’s just to the end of the world, I’m fine with that, honestly,” Adwapa adds. “As long as I get a glorious death, Mehrut at my side, I’ll go into the darkness smiling.”
“Speak for yourself,” her sister sniffs beside her. “I’d rather have a quiet death in my own bed.” Then she smiles at me. “But if it is the end of the world, I’m with you, Deka. You’re not alone.”
“Never, ever,” Katya says in her soft rumble.
“None of us are,” Britta agrees.
By now, my heart is so full, it’s heaving with sobs. “Thank you,” I say to my friends, enfolding them in my arms. “Thank you all.”
And then I continue running, moving even faster now than I did before. Britta is right, I’m not alone. No matter what I may think, we’re all in this together. And if being a god means I can save my friends, protect them from the other deities, then it’s well worth being alone. And who knows: perhaps it won’t be as bad as I think, perhaps I’ll be so busy being a god, I won’t even know how lonely I am.
