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“Then why won’t you give us a chance?”
“I did,” I snapped, and then forced myself to relax. “I did give us a chance. You just… You weren’t my type from the start, but I’ve dealt with so much bullshit from so many guys, I figured I needed to go against type just to see if I was missing something. So I said yes to you. But it wasn’t right, Nolan. It wasn’t right, and I tried, okay? For weeks and weeks, I tried. But I couldn’t make myself want you like that, and I’m not going to force it.”
He winced and looked away.
“I don’t want you to change,” I plowed on, hoping he would really hear me this time. “You’re a great guy. Sweet and smart and so kind that you gave me faith in your gender again. But there’s nothing there between us. When I look at you or think of you, I don’t want to rip your clothes off. That’s just as important to a successful relationship as all the other stuff. Not more. But not less, either. I’m sorry.”
He remained quiet, looking off to the side. But I needed him to really, really get it. So I pulled out a final ace to nail it home, and hoped that he would finally let me go. “There’s someone else.”
He sucked in a sharp breath, frowning, but didn’t look back at me or say anything.
“It’s new,” I continued, “but I’m interested, and if I ever get my life back, I might try to pursue him.” He didn’t need to know that the man was his father. Not yet, anyway.
“Seriously?” He was staring down at the floor as if he was confused by it, the little frown between his brows deepening.
I nodded. “Yeah, seriously. Look, I value your friendship, and you’re probably the only man in the world I want to keep in my life after a failed dating stage, but if you don’t want to be my friend, I get it.”
He didn’t immediately respond, but eventually, quietly, he said, “I can be your friend.”
My shoulders sank in relief. “Good, because I have a favor to ask.”
He nodded, and spared me the briefest glance.
“Lisa. She’s worried and I want you to check on her. Make sure she’s okay and let her know that I’m fine, without telling her where I am. Maybe take her to a restaurant and let her pay for your meal.”
He shifted in his seat, and this time when he looked at me, he held my gaze. “Why?”
“Because she’ll appreciate it, and she’s worried. I can’t tell her everything, and I trust you.”
His lips thinned as he watched me, and then finally he stood and grabbed his bag. “Okay. See you.”
I blinked. That was it? Okay, see you?
But then, he probably needed his space, and who was I to demand he react in any way that was unnatural to him? I let him go to the door on his own, watching him, but he turned to look at me over his shoulder before he stepped out.
“You love this guy?”
My brows jumped to my hairline. “I—love?” I blinked several times, my heart suddenly racing in my chest, although I had no idea why. “I don’t know. Hell, I’m not even sure I’m capable of love.”
He snorted and sent me a flat look. “You are. You just…” Then he sighed and looked down. “You just haven’t found the right guy, yet, I guess.”
He didn’t look back at me, turning instead to face outside, and I didn’t know what to say.
“Stay safe.”
“I’m trying,” I replied quietly, and then the door shut behind him.
***
An hour later, I was lying flat on my bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to get my encounter with Nolan out of my head.
Look at me, pining away for a man who didn’t want me when there was a good and decent man who did. I was so screwed up. It was truly laughable, but like Aunt Myra used to always say, the heart wants what the heart wants.
Besides, I had bigger things to worry about, like keeping my heart beating and staying alive. Rocky was doing exactly what he promised, keeping me safe in his home, and nothing more. I couldn’t be angry with him. His life was complicated enough without adding his son’s ex-girlfriend to the mix, and, yeah, sure, it hurt like hell, but it was what it was, which was pretty much the story of my life.
Instead of worrying about Rocky and my non-existent love life, I needed to focus on my future. And to do that, I needed to focus on the present, as in finding out who in the hell killed Chloe so that I could get back to work and my future. It was time to focus on me and my life, not the fairytale ending I secretly wished for with the sexy biker who didn’t have room for me in his life.
My phone buzzed and my heart kicked into high gear, wishing and hoping that it was Rocky. That he was thinking of me in the middle of his day, that he couldn’t help but reach out to me because his pull to me was as great as my pull to him.
