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In an attempt to bring health to the holidays, I adapted a recipe for dressing using olive oil and high-fiber whole-wheat bread, and ended up with a pan of something that had a definite this-is-good-for-you vibe that lacked the all-right-I’ll-go-to-hell flavor of true celebration food. But it doesn’t matter, because while I like dressing a lot, it’s really just a delivery system for the gravy. In fact, the Cranky Agnes Theory of Holiday Cooking can be summed up in two words: More Gravy.
You son of a bitch.”
Shane turned to look at the door to the hallway and saw Lisa Livia dressed in white pajamas with baby chicks on them, looking ready to kill as she stared at Doyle, two high spots of color on her cheekbones.
“Top of the evening, lass,” Doyle called out, but his heart obviously wasn’t in it
Shane looked closer at him, seeing past the beard now, the white hair, the smashed nose, the different-colored eyes, the fake accent, the extra weight, twenty-five years of damage and disguise.
“You son of a bitch.” Lisa Livia said, her voice close to breaking. “Now, lass—” Doyle began; then he sighed as Shane took a step toward him, and gave up the pretense and the accent. “All right, all right, jeez, I’m sorry already.” Frankie Fortunato looked back at Lisa Livia. “Hi, Livie. Daddy’s home.”
“Fuck you,” Lisa Livia said.
Shane looked at Joey. “How did you figure it out?”
Joey looked at Frankie, murder in his eye. “He told me.”
“And you drew down on him?”
“He’s got some explaining to do,” Joey said.
“You took off and left me,” Lisa Livia said, still standing in the doorway, as if she were afraid to come in the room. “My daddy. The one who loved me, the one who’d never leave me, you left me with Brenda. You son of a bitch.”
“She tried to kill me,” Frankie said, as if that explained everything. “She hit me right in the face with that frying pan, broke my nose, look?—”
“Now why would she do that?” Agnes said, her hands on her hips, lightning in her eyes, and Shane thought, Oh, hell, here we go.
“She thought I was cheating on her,” Frankie said, rolling his eyes.
“You were,” Joey said, keeping his gun hand steady.
“Son of a bitch,” Lisa Livia said, and leaned on the doorframe.
“I’d have hit you with the frying pan, too,” Agnes snapped.
“You listening to this?” Frankie said to Shane.
“I’m not planning on cheating,” Shane said. Especially on Agnes.
“Oh, but if you could have seen Maisie back then,” Frankie said, shaking his head.
“Maisie Shuttle?” Agnes said, distracted for a second. “Well, that explains why Brenda threatened her with death.”
“You son of a bitch,” Lisa Livia said weakly, evidently stuck in second gear.
Carpenter appeared in the doorway to the porch, a body bag over one shoulder and—when he saw the firepower at the kitchen table— a gun in his free hand.
Everybody turned to look at him and there was a moment of silence, and then almost by mutual consent everybody turned back to Frankie as the more interesting option.
Frankie sighed. “Brenda saw the necklace and yelled, ‘Is that for that bitch Maisie?’ and swung that pan and knocked me cold, and when I woke up I was locked in that shelter covered in blood, left for dead?—”
“Totally understandable,” Agnes said, and went around the counter toward the fridge, as if she’d given up on him completely. Shane sympathized but kept his eyes on the guns. “—and I almost did die in the river, getting away. I even got a plate here.” Frankie pointed to his head. “Shoulda been dead, but us Fortunatos, we got thick skulls.”
“Jesus,” Joey said, shaking his head but still keeping his gun steady. “You sure fooled me. You musta put on fifty, sixty pounds, you tub o’ lard.”
“Used to have black hair, too,” Frankie said, scowling at him. “Look at this.” He popped a blue contact out of one eye with his free hand, then out of the other, revealing the Fortunato trademark: shark black eyes. “You were a lot lighter twenty-five years ago, too, Joey. We all changed.”
“Son of a bitch,” Lisa Livia said again, but she sounded tired now, and when Shane pulled a chair up to the table for her, between the newly scrubbed Venus and Joey, she came in and sank down into it and just stared at her father, sad and lost.
