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I climb off with more confidence than my drunken ass should attempt and nearly topple over. Bear sweeps me up into his arms and kisses my lips as we enter the house.
This here with him feels right in a way few things have in my life. That’s why I panic and squirm free of his addictive touch.
“I shouldn’t forgive you so easily,” I mumble and push him away. “When I think of Ollie, I feel like I should hate you.”
Bear’s expression turns dark, and he backs away. The booze steals my self-control, encouraging me to keep talking.
“I had a special place in my heart just for Ollie. He seemed so lost when we met. I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be trapped in his mind and unable to get the very basics of what he needed to be happy. I know you think he was a pity case for me, but I liked hanging around Ollie. He made me laugh. I saw the world differently when I looked through his eyes. We were friends. I sometimes can’t believe he’s gone. And it kills me to know you’re why.”
Bear looks like I’ve cut out his heart. I feel him locking himself away, but I can’t stop talking.
“I want so badly to make you wait for my forgiveness, but my resolve began to crumble when I saw you holding my sleeping boy. Hector’s so scared about how things changed so suddenly, but he felt safe with you in a way he never felt with his dad. How can my heart stay cold toward you when you’re so protective of my babies?”
Bear’s face remains stuck on a scowl. I spot how his fists clench and unclench.
I kick off my shoes and climb on his couch to see him eye to eye. All the earlier goofiness from the alcohol is gone. I just feel wracked with guilt and longing.
“I don’t want to forgive you, yet there’s no one else for me,” I say, wringing my hands and sobbing like I did when I learned Ollie was dead. “I missed you so much these last two years. No matter how angry I was or how much I blamed you, I really wanted to see you again. But I knew what we had, the marriage plans, and all that was over. There was no reason to come back. I couldn’t want another man. That’s why being with Andrew didn’t matter. Nothing I did with any man would matter. There was only you, and you were gone.”
Wiping my eyes, I reach out and grip his shirt. “But you’re here, and we can be together. I feel guilty for how I still want you. What can I do? I’ve wanted you for too long. Is it so wrong if I’m selfish about this one thing?”
“Why are you asking me? I’m selfish about everything.”
“No,” I reply and try to yank him closer. Bear refuses to budge at all. “You’re giving up your space for my babies,” I murmur and wipe my tears before again trying to get him to move closer.
Bear stays put. He likely thinks I’m being overly emotional. I can’t get him to move closer, so I step down from the couch and reach for his thick black belt. His hands sweep mine away, and he shakes his head.
“No.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’m not in the mood now that we’re talking about ugly shit.”
“I understand,” I say and tug my shirt off and drop my jeans. “I’ll just get naked, and we can spoon until it’s time for me to go home.”
I wiggle free of my panties and turn away to slide out of my bra. Glancing back at Bear standing in the middle of his family room, I find him frowning like I’m his worst enemy.
“You’re honestly the hottest man I’ve ever seen,” I say and slide my hand between my legs. “I’m going to need to rub one out really quick, just so I can think straight during the spooning.”
I have barely dipped a finger between my folds before Bear is pressed against the back of me. His hand cups mine touching my pussy. In my ear, he growls, “Mine.”
“Okay,” I murmur and rest back against his hard chest. “Take what you want, Bear.”
His lips are instantly against my throat, sucking at the tender flesh. One hand presses against my belly, the other takes the place of my hand. My body gets soft and compliant.
Until my brain snaps on and I freeze up. Leaning away from him, I catch his gaze.
“Now what?” Bear mutters.
“Don’t give me hickeys,” I warn and eyeball his possessive lips. “My dress doesn’t cover my throat, shoulders, or upper chest. I need to be bruise-and-hickey-free for the wedding.”
Bear watches me before admitting, “I don’t know if I can promise it won’t happen. Your skin tastes like candy.”
“Once we’re married, you can hickey me up from head to toe, but I need to look presentable or else my parents will be disappointed.”
Bear’s gaze surveys the room while he considers if he cares about my parents’ approval. Stroking his jaw, I draw his attention back to me. I understand why Bear struggles with the pressures of my life. There’s a wild undercurrent within the Backcountry Kings not found in the Syndicate. The men who wear the club’s patch always feel on the verge of losing control.
Bear is a perfect representative of the Backcountry Kings—powerful, barely restrained, and loyal to a fault.
