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“No, and I’d never judge you for leaving. Bear fucked up that day. But he did try to save Ollie. It was just too late.”
Feeling my panic and grief returning, I try to lean away. “This isn’t the kind of gossip I wanted.”
Siobhan won’t let me flee her affection. She hugs me to her and strokes my head.
“You’ve been out in the cold for too long. Let me love you.”
I laugh at her overly affectionate hug. The four kids look at us wrestling on the couch and share my giggles. Once Siobhan traps me against her body, she refuses to let go.
“Bear’s got a girlfriend,” she says when I stop fighting her.
Pretending her words don’t sting, I ask, “What’s she like?”
“Aneta manages Stairway to Heaven. She’s so good at poaching dancers from other strip clubs, they’ve banned her all over town. She has to wear disguises to get through the doors now. Aneta is fun and above-average smart. You’d like her.”
“Have they been together long?”
“A year. Her boyfriend went to prison, and she got lonely. Bear hasn’t been himself since you rode his dick. When you left, he got extra mopey. Now, they’re sad together.”
“That’s romantic.”
Siobhan strokes my head trapped against her chest. “You think that way because you spent two years with a charmless loser. Otherwise, you’d see how it’s sad.”
“But Bear often seemed sad.”
“Yes, because he thinks being sad is better than being angry. Bear’s a complicated man.”
I lift my gaze to meet hers. “I loved Ollie.”
“I know you did. He was your first boyfriend, and you took care of him. If he had listened to you and stayed away from his brother, you’d still be taking care of him. You’re a good friend.”
Overwhelmed by the sense of loss, I break down in Siobhan’s arms. My heart hurts as I nurse regrets and betrayals. I feel guilty over hurting Bear, even though I resent him for stealing my friend’s life.
I saw something in Bear, long before we hooked up. I’d catch him mumbling angrily to himself. He always seemed to be unhappy with himself and his place in the world. I’d gotten hung up on the dream of loving away his problems.
Of course, the world isn’t fair or kind. That’s why Ollie died instead of his brother. And why Hector and Jacinda’s last memory of their father is him hurting their little bodies. And why Bear always feels unloved, even after he found a family with the Backcountry Kings. And finally, it’s why I’ll marry whoever my parents choose for me.
A cruel world demands its payment, and my tears won’t change a damn thing.
BEAR
With Golden, Tack, and Indigo close behind, I arrive at the Harken and Sons Trucking Company. The business is a front with empty trucks regularly rolling out, just so we look legit.
The boxy white-stucco-and-red-brick office can house a staff of thirty. Normally, the front office is filled with an assortment of women from the women’s shelters. They gain real-world training, so they can build an employment history.
The women don’t do more than answer the phones. They’re not even allowed to file, since who knows what they might see.
The real work is done by Carys O’Malley and her buzzy office bees. These chicks are former strippers and hookers, looking for a second career. They’re vetted and loyal.
Sitting behind the new girl at the front desk, Carys looks up from what she’s texting.
Beautiful like her mom and sister, the blue-eyed brunette sports a large belly carrying my club brother Pork Chop’s third kid and his first daughter.
Carys smiles normally for Golden, Tack, and Indigo, but her expression goes tender and sad for me.
“Hey, Bear,” she says full of affection.
“Am I dying?” I ask Indigo. “What the fuck?”
