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Evan gulps, his throat making an audible sound. “Well, I do. I love you. Watching you be so resilient, being able to stand by your side as you face it all, I’m in awe of you. Your beauty, your persistence, the way you care about the people closest to you. It would be impossible not to fall in love with you. You’ve always been there, and I think deep down I always knew that. It just took our very random living situation to get me to open my eyes. Now that I have, I can’t stop staring. You’re perfect, August. Perfect for me. And I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but if there is any part of you that wants to stay here, wants to make Hope Crest your home once more … then I’m begging. Stay here. Make this our home. I swear to you, it’ll be so different than your past. I’ll make sure of it.”
His voice, that voice I’ve loved since I was a teenager, is so earnest and vulnerable. I want to tell him I feel the same, that I’m in love with him, too. I want to, so very badly. But that last string holds me back, keeping me from letting go. I’ve always held my feelings very close to the vest, seeing as the one person who was supposed to love me never displayed it properly, if she even felt it at all.
So I go with his second offering, the one where he’s asking me to stay. Because in my mind, the two go hand in hand, and that’s even more romantic. No one in my past wanted me; they never wanted me to stay anywhere. Here is Evan, the guy of my dreams, begging me to stay in this town, and maybe even this house, with him.
“Well, I wasn’t going to say so, but part of the research when you go back to work is to see if I can stay here. If I can both use my degree and fulfill my passion while also being here. Because I really want to stay with you. I just … I wasn’t sure you wanted that, too.”
We’ve been skirting around the real question for fear of railroading someone else’s feelings or thoughts.
He grabs the sides of my face and kisses me thoroughly before breaking it off. “It’s the only thing I want. We can figure the rest out.”
While he doesn’t say it, I can almost feel his disappointment that I didn’t say those three little words. Right now, I’m giving him all I can while holding on to that last shred of self-preservation. But he wants me anyway, and the rest, like he said, we’ll figure out.
30
AUGUST
“You just going to keep calling me out to this abandoned place, or actually do something about it?” I tease Warren as I get out of my car. That feeling of rightness supplants itself in my chest whenever I step foot on this property.
The old inn stands behind him, looking no less run down than the couple of other times I’ve been here but still so beautiful in its architecture. Something about this land calms me in a way I’ve never experienced, and I would have loved to walk through the building in its heyday.
“We’ll talk about that in a minute. First, how are you feeling?”
He hugs me hello, and we begin to walk slowly toward the porch. “I’m okay. Better than I thought I’d be, actually. It was a horrible night that night, but after that, when the police had him in custody, I felt much safer. The last four days of being at the house have definitely been good to decompress and heal.”
“Good, that’s what you should be doing. You’ve been hustling for years, and after the threats and everything that happened, you deserve a break. How is Evan?” he asks. “He’s been keeping us away from you.”
I had figured as much, but it’s still a surprise to hear him say it.
“He’s taking care of me, don’t worry. What happened at The Oleander … it scared him.”
“It should have, it was fucking scary. I wanted to hunt that guy down myself when you called me. I’m just glad he’s being charged, and that more and more damning evidence is pouring in. He won’t be getting out for a long time. But it’s no wonder Evan doesn’t want to let you out of his sight.”
I blush because it’s weird to talk about this with Warren. “He’s … the best.”
Warren studies the side of my face. “Yeah, he seems to be when it comes to you. That’s all I can ask for. Plus, I just want you to be happy.”
Searching in my heart, I find that I actually am. “For the first time in a while, I think I would actually describe myself as that. Which feels strange. Or unfair, maybe. Even though I know it’s not.”
“Not at all. You’ve been dealt shit hands, it’s about time you got paid back in spades.”
“Literally,” I joke, because the other day, when he came to the house, we had a long talk about money.
It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there are people out there who want to help me out of the goodness of their hearts. While I’ve always trusted Warren, it’s not easy to just accept financial help from him. After hearing no from my mother about activities, vacations, parties, and everything else extracurricular, it feels strange that all of a sudden, I can just receive assistance with no struggle or fight. It feels tight or uncomfortable on my skin, like I can’t adjust to it fully.
But as Leona and Evan have pointed out, I need to try. Not only because it will help me grow, but from an internal point of view, I desperately need the help. My mother’s debt will set me back so far that I’ll never get ahead of it. Same with the tuition money I claimed I was going to pay back to Warren. With his help, I can start fresh. I can do anything I want, no strings attached.
That’s not a place I’ve ever been in before.
“Thank you for putting your trust in me. I know it’s not easy, but you do deserve this. And it’s not just about being deserving. I love you, Auggy, like you’re my own family. We take care of each other, and I don’t ever want to see you upset or down on your luck. If I have the ability, I want to make every wish of yours come true.”
“My very own fairy godfather,” I joke, trying not to get choked up at him saying he loves me.
Warren gives me a hard stare, and I lean into him for a side hug.
“I know you do, and … I love you, too. You’ve been there for me in moments I didn’t even know I needed a helping hand, and that’s what true family is. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Look at us, living functional, somewhat healthy adult lives. Who would have known?” He elbows me with a smirk as we continue to walk around the grounds.
