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In my bones, I know I won’t recover from her going this time. Not seeing her again, not having her in my arms, it will kill me. Gabrielle detailing the reasons for her exit will only pour acid in the wound.
Gabrielle is silent for a moment, looking at me with wide eyes. What she blurts out next is not something I ever expected this woman to say to me in this lifetime.
“I’m pregnant.”
Her expression is earnest, a slight smile on her lips, while her eyes bore into mine as if she’s willing me to understand.
The words filter through my brain like I can’t fully compute them. Like I need to hang on to each syllable. I’m so caught off guard by this that I have to reach for something to lean on. Which, in this case, is a wobbly fence post, and I nearly fall over at the impact of her news.
“You’re … pregnant?” The word seems foreign on my tongue.
“Yes. I’m so sorry I haven’t told you. I found out a week ago and I’ve just needed … it shocked me so much that I needed a minute to catch my breath. But yes, we’re having a baby. And God, I hope you want us to have it, not just me. I know we have a lot to discuss.”
Gabrielle is just rambling, going on and on about optics and timing and situations. I can barely hear all that, though, because I’m still stuck on the first thing she said.
She’s pregnant. With our baby. We made a baby together. I’m going to be a father to a child that is half-me, half-Gabrielle.
“We’re having a baby,” I whisper, walking toward her.
She gulps nervously. “Yes.”
My eyes shoot down to her stomach as if I’m going to be able to see a bump there. Of course, there is nothing. I don’t know how far along she is, but knowing our baby is inside her fills me with this sense of completeness.
I close the distance between us and pull her into my dirty arms, Gabrielle not protesting one bit that I’m getting her pretty sundress filthy.
Those green eyes fill with tears as she blinks up at me, holding our stares together.
“I know I said horrible things, that I accused you of my own fears and insecurities. It’s still a thought in my mind, most likely always will be. But not because I think that of you, it’s just how I was conditioned to think. To judge others. Those thoughts aren’t real, though. They’re self-sabotage. They’re poison. I know that … especially now. We have a shot at something so rare, so good. It’s not perfect by any stretch, but it’s ours, and that’s all I could ever want. This little family, our love, you. That’s what I want. I’ve wanted it for a lot longer than I’ve let myself admit, but I’m tired of creating obstacles through my own fear. I love you, Liam. I want to love this baby right alongside you. If you need some more time, if what happened the other night still lingers and hurts?—”
Placing my hand on her cheek, I cut her off. “I’m holding everything I’ve ever wanted, right here in my arms. You think I’m ever letting it go again?”
“Thank God.” She breathes, but before she can ramble some more, I take her mouth.
The kiss I deliver is so searing, so consuming, that I think we both might topple over like that fencepost I haven’t secured. We’re pouring everything we have into this intimate gesture, forgiving each other without words.
A crack of thunder and a bolt of lightning illuminate the dark sky overhead, and as we break the kiss to look up, the heavens unload.
“Ah!” Gabrielle squeals, holding tighter to me as the rain starts to pound down on our skin.
She’s laughing as I bow my head to look at her once more, and I can’t help but join her. The giggling advances into a full-blown laugh attack as we cling to each other.
Crazy happy and delirious with the news, we stand in the downpour together and let it wash away all the negativity of the past.
“Come on.” I grab her hand, and we sprint through the rain to my UTV, which provides a little cover with its closed top.
Still, rain soaks us as it pours down the roof and onto our shoes and legs that stick out the open sides. I wind us through the fields and past the barn, finally stopping in front of my porch. By the time we make it up the stairs, we’re both drenched. But I need to touch her, need so badly to strip both of us down and keep her in my bed until we’re properly made up.
Water hangs on my eyelashes as her long blond strands drip rain down her back. My smile is megawatt, a laugh forming on my lips that’s silenced with a boom of thunder. Her eyes go wide at the noise, and I pull Gabrielle to me, my hands slicking over her wet cheeks.
“Out of all the things in this world, you’re the only one I’ve truly ever wanted. Needed. Do you know how much I want this family with you?”
Those words seem to breathe life into her, into this version of a woman who has told me she never once felt accepted anywhere. Who never once had someone tell her how valued she is or that they were proud to know her. I’ll tell her and our child every day for the rest of time.
“I love you,” she chokes out, burying her face in my neck.
My hands move down to cup her belly. “We made this life.”
Everything in me has this tinged, awe-like feeling, as if none of this can be real, but somehow is. I went from thinking I was losing my world to gaining it back and then some.
