AllFreeNovel
Share Us
That is until she waltzed back into this town and turned my world upside down for the second time in my life.
2
GABRIELLE
Don’t let them see you sweat.
It’s the incantation I’ve been repeating to myself since I stepped through the front doors of Hope Crest High School on this bright September morning. As if it’s a spell I can cast over my classes of first-day students, that I’ll be able to magically lull them into cooperating and not intimidating a teacher who is only four years older than them.
My family and friends think I’m crazy for starting my teaching career in high school because not only could I still probably pass as a student myself, but it’s not like I’m some crack-the-whip type who demands respect by my very presence. No, if someone were to describe me, they’d probably go with words like understated, obedient, rule-follower, teacher’s pet. I’m the Goody Two-shoes to my sister’s wild child and the shadow to my extroverted brother. I’m the daughter, student, and friend you can always count on to be there on time, with a plan, ready to execute and wrap everything up in a neat bow.
To the freshman through seniors that I will be teaching math to, that’s probably the lamest person they could think of on the planet. Which is why I’m hyping myself up via silent pep talk before that end of homeroom bell rings.
It’s been years since I stepped foot in this small, charming town that sits on the banks of a rushing river. Hope Crest is where my mother grew up, but she left it behind long ago and has only returned with us sparsely through the years to see my grandparents on holidays or the rare birthday.
Except spending time with my grandmother, who owns the used and collectible bookstore in town, were some of my happiest memories. When I was done with college, done fulfilling my obligations and duty to stay on the straight and narrow, I made one crazy decision that was all about me. Well, as crazy as picking a location can be, at least. For my introverted, rule-following persona, choosing to live in a small town where I know no one and have no history was the most out-of-left-field decision I’ve ever made in my life. My parents didn’t understand it, and my siblings thought I was weird for not living in a big sprawling metropolis, and what few surface friends I did have barely registered it as they jetted off to their exciting careers and mid-twenties nightlife.
Making this decision to teach in Hope Crest, though, is one of the bravest and most comforting things I’ve ever done. For the last three months after graduation, I’ve been able to spend so much more time with my grandmother, who is so much like me, that it makes me feel a part of my lineage for once. We bonded over tea with honey as we watched the fireflies on the swampy creek in her backyard. The two of us explored farmers markets on the weekends, she took me to plays at the community theater overlooking the water, and I even went bird-watching with her a time or two.
Coming here has given me a sense of finally being home, and even though I’m shaking in my boots standing here in my classroom, I know this too will come to be the best decision I’ve ever made.
The shrill ring of the bell overhead sends a shiver down my spine, but I roll my shoulders back and steel up. Students begin pouring in, chatting excitedly about anything and everything. When some of them register me standing there with a smile plastered on my face, I nod in greeting. They check me out with a full body up-down, sizing me up to see what they can possibly get away with.
Some take back row seats, and I clock those as students to watch while others clamber to the front. I try my best to look neutral and friendly, giving off the air that my class won’t be a breeze but will be worth their time. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to convey with an expression and my stance—not sure if it’s working.
All of a sudden, a group of about five hulking boys come through the door, and the pack of markers I’d picked up bobbles in my hand. They drop to the floor when a particular boy walks in and scatter with a noisy clang. I immediately drop, scrambling to pick them up smoothly, but now in a complete panic that I just showed them my tell when I was trying to keep a poker face.
Rising and trying to keep an embarrassed blush off my cheeks, I nod to the class once more. They’re almost all fully seated now, waiting for the new teacher to speak her first words.
Except someone beats me to it.
“Don’t worry, teach, you’re doing great.”
My head snaps up, and my gaze lands on a boy in the second row. Except this student looks more like a man than a boy. Something rolls over me as our eyes lock, and I compartmentalize, too nervous to try to feel anything else. Even if it feels like the earth’s plates move beneath my feet.
Then, as if in slow motion, he has the audacity to wink at me.
And every ounce of courage I built up this morning comes shattering down. Because when he does that, a bunch of the other boys in class start to snicker. The girls roll their eyes.
I’m the butt of their joke now, and it’s all thanks to him.
Little did I know that boy would turn out to be the worst thing that ever happened to my teaching career.
From the moment Liam winked at me on that first day, a tiny flicker of warning went off in my brain. Not in a sordid way, but in a way that made me nervous to be around him from a teacher/student standpoint. Although it was my first year, I’d been prepared that some of my students would challenge me in a way others didn’t.
It felt like Liam had sussed out my anxiety from that very first day, and I had to wear an extra suit of armor around him so as not to crack the tough teacher veneer I’d built up. The way he watched me during lessons felt like he saw through the intimidating, no-bullshit nature I was trying to adopt, like he knew I was a fraud.
That scared me at first, more than anything.
Only about halfway through the school year did things morph into something else. Into something that made me feel dirty, downright awful, and like I should get myself the hell away from teaching and this town.
It didn’t matter that Liam was older than any other senior at Hope Crest; he turned nineteen in January after his parents held him back from kindergarten due to a speech delay, I later learned. It didn’t matter that we were only three years apart, a fact that would have been completely normal had we tried to date in any other type of circumstance. It didn’t matter that I spurned every advance or attempt he made and refused to ever be alone with him for one moment.
To me, I’d committed the worst offense a teaching professional could do; I had compromised the safety and security of one of my students at my own personal expense. Even if the thoughts were only in my head, even if I never acknowledged the connection to Liam or anyone on this earth out loud. Even if I did everything in my power to remain professional, respectful, and completely cold in my interactions with him.
I had done nothing wrong, and there was nothing anyone could document to show I stepped outside the lines. And yet when I think of that time now, I know I did the right thing by removing myself. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew that leaving Hope Crest and the teaching career path after just one year of working out of college was the correct decision. At the time, I’d thought so low of myself that I thought I might form something like this with another student, and then this would just be some horrible pattern.
Obviously, twelve years later, I know that wasn’t it. I knew myself then, and I know myself now; I would have never done anything morally wrong or even gray. What happened with Liam was something people only get once in a lifetime, and I turned the opposite way in fear that I might be a monster.
