AllFreeNovel
Share Us
It was the last thing I wanted to admit to myself. It’s why I’d come to Professor Warren and not her. I just couldn’t watch Nadine’s hopes crumble all over again. I had to bring myself to a better place before I told her, because I had to be there for her fully when I broke the news.
“I’m sure Nadine will understand,” Professor Warren said. “She won’t blame you.”
“I will, though,” I growled.
I was not in a good place right now, and it really worried me. I couldn’t return to my old habits. In some ways, depression was like an addiction—comfortable and familiar. If I went back there, I didn’t know how I’d pull myself out this time.
“Let’s just take a moment to process this, and we’ll come up with a solution,” Professor Warren suggested.
His tone gave me pause, and I eyed him curiously. “You say that like you know what it’s like. Do you?”
He always seemed so sure of himself. It never occurred to me that maybe he understood more than I gave him credit for.
Professor Warren shifted, and he twisted a pen around in his hands. He didn’t look at me, which was odd. He was always so attentive and serious. “I know what it’s like to lose a therapist when you need them the most.”
The room fell dead silent. I never knew Professor Warren had been in therapy. Learning that made me feel slightly more at ease, because maybe he really did understand. Maybe that’s why he tried to help me for so long… because he knew what it was like to be in my position.
“What happened after you lost your therapist?”
“Things got better eventually,” he said. “But it took time.”
I wanted to learn more, but I didn’t want to prod. Still, I found myself asking, “What happened?”
Warren drew a deep breath, as if contemplating how much to tell me. “My therapist and I talked about many things. You understand how things build up over the years.”
He stared down at his pen, as if almost forgetting I was there. “We talked of my childhood and my absent father, and we discussed the failed fertility treatments Roberta and I went through, then the pain of losing her to cancer… I should’ve sought out therapy when I lost my wife, but I didn’t reach my breaking point until years later. I thought I was finally finding happiness again. I was dating. Things were going well. And when my girlfriend got pregnant… well, it was one of the happiest moments of my life… until it wasn’t. Turns out, the baby wasn’t mine. I still love her in many ways, but…”
Professor Warren must’ve realized he’d said too much, because he cleared his throat and sat up straighter. “But that wasn’t your question, I suppose. Therapy shouldn’t be reserved for those who have reached their breaking point. We should embrace therapy at all stages. And I think that’s what helped me get better, even after my therapist retired—accepting that I was worthy of help, even at times when I wasn’t completely falling apart. You don’t have to be at the end of your rope to get help, and help can appear in your life in many ways.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to tell me, Professor,” I said.
He leaned forward in his chair. “Just because you’ve lost Dr. Mack doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything. You have friends and teachers and people who will be by you every step of the way if you allow them in. We’ll find you another therapist, but in the meantime, you must trust yourself and your friends to help you through this.”
“I don’t want my friends to feel like they have to fix me,” I admitted.
“They don’t see it that way. I promise you. They want to help, as do I.”
“You’ve actually been a big help already,” I admitted. I didn’t want to keep talking about my feelings, though. I just wanted to stop thinking about it, so I asked, “Do you know anything about portal magic?”
He knew I was trying to change the subject, and he played along. “The coven has some resources on it, but it’s not covered in your classes. It’d take a special set of gifted witches to cast a portal, and they’re generally considered unsafe to pass through anyway. Portals are more of a fae power. Why do you ask?”
“I want to open a portal to the Abyss,” I stated simply. “We need to banish this demon somehow.”
“I’m afraid we’ll have to find another way. To even find someone with the ability to cast a portal—”
“I can do it,” I blurted.
Professor Warren didn’t move for a second.
I shrugged. “I’m a reaper, and reapers have the power to travel between worlds.”
“Yes, but you’re telling me that you used a portal, and you’re still alive…? That kind of power…” Professor Warren’s eyebrows pinched together.
“How much do you really know about reapers?” I asked. “There’s only one per generation, so how much information can really be out there? Maybe all this power you think I’ll obtain once I die is inside me already. I’ve already created portals. I just need to learn how to control them.”
“Do you have any idea what kind of power you have? This is a very unique gift.”
“That’s why I intend to figure it out, so I don’t fuck up,” I said.
