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Nadine’s unwavering faith in me was humbling. I had an important job in all this, a reason why the prophecy spoke of me. I just needed to be reminded of it.
“Yet,” I agreed with a firm nod. “I’m going to practice my portal magic. And when I can finally control it, I’m opening a portal to the Abyss, and we’re sending Professor Leto back to hell.”
My friends seemed energized by my certainty.
“The library must have resources on portal magic, right?” Nadine asked.
“It’s rare in the coven, so I wouldn’t hold my breath,” Talia said. “But we can look.”
“You girls go,” Grant offered.
I didn’t understand why he sent them off, until the door closed behind them and Grant and Miles both turned to me. Grant sighed. “We need to talk.”
“If it’s about my dad, I’ve already done a forgiveness ceremony,” I stated. “I just want to move on.”
“It’s not about that, exactly,” Grant said slowly. “I think it’s time you talk to Dr. Mack about medication.”
That wasn’t happening. “I appreciate the help, but I’m not taking meds.”
“Why not?” Miles asked, sounding genuinely curious.
“I don’t know… it’s just…” I stumbled over my words. “I don’t want to put a band-aid over my depression. I want to figure it out myself.”
Miles frowned. “I’m not going to say I understand your particular diagnosis, whatever it may be.”
“Officially, I’ve got major depressive disorder,” I said flatly. “I also exhibit symptoms of childhood trauma.”
“Right,” Miles said. “And depression presents itself differently in everybody. I won’t pretend I know everything you’re going through, but meds really helped me when I was struggling.”
“I can handle it on my own,” I insisted.
“Sometimes depression isn’t something you can just cure on your own,” Miles said. “Your brain doesn’t function the way other people’s do, but that doesn’t make it wrong or mean you’re anything less than normal. Your normal is different, and there are tools available to help you manage, if you’re willing to accept them.”
I was getting angry the more he talked. “I said I didn’t want them,” I snapped. “I know you’re worried about what happened with my dad, but medication isn’t going to fix what he did.”
“No, but they can help you manage,” Miles said gently. “I’ll tell you what a friend told me once. You’re in the driver’s seat, Lucas. People can throw trash into your car, but you can toss it right back out. Anything outside your vehicle is out of your control and not your problem.”
“Then why does it feel like it is!?” I yelled.
Why couldn’t they take no for an answer?
“We’re only trying to help,” Grant assured me.
“Well, you can stop trying,” I snapped. “I’ll handle it!”
I stormed out of the room before either of them could say more. I hurried toward my car. Grant wanted me to talk to Dr. Mack? Fine, I would. But I wasn’t going on meds.
Hell, I really needed Dr. Mack’s advice right now, because I was spiraling.
I got to the clinic and rushed to the reception desk. “I need to see Dr. Mack right now.”
My heart raced, and it seemed like the receptionist looked at the computer for a whole minute before saying, “I’m not seeing an appointment for you. It’s Lucas, right?”
“I don’t have an appointment,” I said. “It’s an emergency.”
“I’m afraid she’s working right now,” the receptionist said. She thought she was being helpful.
“I don’t care if she’s busy. I have to talk to her.”
