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Continuing to write the title the length of my arm is suddenly interrupted by low grumbles from the man I’m supposed to be sleeping on the floor beside. Kipp gently pats the empty space once and then twice and then shoots up in unmistakable panic on the third, “Bunny!”
“I’m okay,” I force myself to croak out the lie. “Go back to sleep, Kid.”
He gives his messy, dark locks – the same dark locks I’ve come to love making messy – a languorous ruffle. “Need me to get up too?”
There’s no ignoring the lung piercing pain the tone as much as the question itself ignites.
Need.
Want.
How the fuck did the two become so…interchangeable…so fucking quickly with this pair?
Unable to speak without revealing what’s unraveling inside my mind, I simply shake my head on a soft smile.
Kipp initially hesitates; however, one large yawn catching him off guard convinces him to lie back down on his stomach. Rearrange his head so he’s facing me. So that he can hear every move I make. Come running if I need him.
Want him.
“I’m right here if you do, baby,” The Kid practically whispers out seconds before he begins to snore again.
To be honest, I cannot be more grateful that he’s had no trouble passing out.
Taking someone’s life, even when doing it out of self-defense – which is what he told the authorities who were first on the scene while I hid in the backseat of the car – is still the type of shit that can give a person nightmares.
Eat at their spirit.
Their soul if they’re less fortunate.
And unlike my ex – who I know for a fact has no soul – Kipp’s a great guy.
With a bright future and a big heart.
And I hate myself for letting those things get fractured because of me.
Because I couldn’t walk away from his sweet smile.
Adorable demeanor.
Because I couldn’t walk away from Mutt’s crooked grin.
Hardened nature.
And now because I couldn’t fucking walk away from them, I have no choice but to run.
Run and keep running and never look back in hopes that by me doing so, they get to live.
Actually. Live.
We’re not just talking about physically but emotionally too.
Without me around, they can find another woman that enhances their lives versus ruins them.
One less flighty.
Less toxic.
Ugh.
