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He cocks his head to the side like a predator spotting his prey. "Is that what you want?" he asks darkly. "To be alone with my cousin?"
"Is there a reason I shouldn't be alone with him?" I square my body to his, not backing down from his imposing stance.
He secures his hands on either side of the railing I'm backed up against, ensuring I won't be escaping this conversation unless I want to jump in the bay and swim. "You're playing a dangerous game, Strenlys."
"Then tell me why you really want to come." I challenge. "And no bullshit. If you pull the professor card on me one more time – "
"Do you know how many fucking strings I had to pull to make sure I was the one assigned to be your professor?"
His outburst steals my breath. "What?"
"I cashed in every academic favor, pulled title and rank, hell, I even persuaded Uncle Soren to back my claim, though he strictly refuses to involve himself in school business, to ensure I secured the position of your Magical Warfare instructor."
"I didn't ask you to do that."
"You didn't have to." He pushes away from me and backs up until he hits the opposite side of the gazebo. "I don't want you to just survive a war, I want you to live. I don't trust anyone else with your safety more than myself. Am I hard on you? Yes. I'll always be hard on you when it comes to you mastering your magic."
"Why?" I ask so softly I'm afraid he might not hear me.
"Why what?"
"All of it. Cashing in your favors, pulling rank to be my professor, willingly abandoning your first-year students to accompany me to Elowen… why?"
His smile is marred with pain. "You already know the answer to that question, Shaye." He approaches me slowly before tentatively raising his hand and brushing strands of hair behind my ear. "The thought of you being captured, or tortured, or falling in battle…"
"Atlas…" I lean closer, taking a deep breath, ready to confess my feelings for him, to tell him I want him, need him, can't live another day without knowing that he's mine, when he suddenly drops his hand from my face, and I'm left cold and wanting from the ghost of his touch.
"I'll make sure you make it to Elowen safely." He promises like he's a knight swearing fealty to his queen. "I'll keep up with your lessons, so you're ready for whatever we might face in the future. I hope you find what you seek in the Frost Kingdom."
I blink away the tears brewing and watch him shove his hands deep in his pockets before trotting back up the decked pathway to rejoin the party. I blew my chance to bear my soul to him. Hell, I've blown several opportunities to tell him how I feel. Why am I such a coward?
I slam my hand against the railing, and internally scream, "Shit! Shit! Shit!"
Twenty-Six
Shaye
Adecoy team left earlier this morning by sea. If Vesper and her crew are out sailing, they'll follow the decoy and buy us some time. I hated giving them the dagger Bastian gave me in hopes the Soul Eaters, if truly out there, would pick up my scent and take the bait, but if it gives us a fighting chance to make it to the Frost Kingdom without issue, then it's worth it. King Soren assured me the decoy team included the best fire wielders in Tronovia, who could hold their own if confronted. I just don't want anyone's blood on my hands should they fall to the demons tracking me.
Shortly after the ship disappears from the harbor, the Harland brothers, Ronan, and Eris grab their packs and mount their horses. I'm so glad Finn and Eris readily volunteered to join the rest of us. The last three days of preparation have been stressful to say the least.
Riggs seemed almost giddy in our last class when I told him why I would be absent for at least a month. He wished he could one day attend Levanora, but he was evidently more excited for me to learn more about my Frost Elf features.
Atlas, however, went about our last official class together as if nothing in the world was bothering him. I still don't understand how he can switch his emotions off like that. I used to be much better at disguising my true feelings in Midori, but I've gotten sloppy here. Probably because I have so many new and unexpected feelings that I'm still learning to cope with.
Honestly, the only enjoyable part of the last three days has been shopping with Eris for new clothes and supplies.
Our entourage is dressed in common traveling clothes, not wanting to draw unwanted attention on our four-day journey to the lakeside village of Haverness, where the Harlands own a cabin. From there, it will be a couple hour journey by boat to reach the capitol city of Elowen. Unbeknownst to me until this morning, we will forgo traveling with a heavily armed escort in order to maintain a low profile. I would normally be filled with trepidation not having armed guards with us, but we have three anomalies, a water wielder, a powerful fire wielder and me. No matter what we face beyond the Tronovian border, I know we'll stand a fighting chance at coming out on top.
One of the stable hands tugs a white mare around the corner and has her stop in front of me for easy mounting access. She seems to sense my reservations because she pounds her hooves and sputters in disgust, as if to say, she won't be bearing me today or any other day. I take a small step back to avoid her when she stands up on her back two legs and I slam into something solid. Spinning around, I find Atlas staring down at me, an eyebrow quirked.
"You've never ridden a horse before, have you?"
I want to deny the accusation, tell him he's wrong, that he doesn't need to be concerned about me, but I'm too tired and stressed to keep up with the facade. "No," it pains me to admit. "I haven't."
The smug look I expect to see never flashes across his face. Instead, he extends his hand and quietly, patiently, waits for me to accept. With a firm gentleness, he guides me away from the white mare that would have been mine and escorts me to his own steed. Slipping his hands on either side of my waist, he effortlessly lifts me up and sets me on top of the black beauty.
"What are you doing?" My eyes dart around to see if the others are watching our interaction, before settling on him.
