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Unexpectedly, Soraya snatches my hand in hers and squeezes. Her fierce green eyes meet mine and there's not a trace of sadness when she says, "There is no need to apologize, Shaye."
For a few seconds, I feel a connection to her that I haven't felt with anyone before. Perhaps those seven words are something I've always wished to hear from my own mother and never did, but all fear I felt before meeting the Harland matron vanishes.
"It's funny though," she pats my hand before releasing me. "Even though Bram has been gone just over twenty years now, I still sometimes expect to see him sitting across from me at the dinner table during family gatherings like tonight's. I remember how every year he'd see how many feathers he could pluck from one of my aunt's gawdy hats. Bram would have made a fine Dragon General, teaching the younger generation. But without dragons, there was no way to pass that knowledge on."
She plucks a white verbena from one of the hanging planter boxes, closing her eyes as she smells the sweet aroma. "Atlas wanted to be a dragon rider," she says abruptly. "He was four when dragons left our shores for the Great War. I fully expected once the dragons returned that Atlas would be a rider when he was old enough."
Remembering what Atlas had told me about dragons choosing their riders, I ask, "Do Firebreathers only chose fire wielders as their riders?"
She smiles, pride beaming in her eyes that I seem to know dragon lore. "Technically, that's true, but I think Atlas would have been found worthy by one of them. His lack of fire wouldn't have mattered."
My eyebrows arch. "So, a dragon doesn't necessarily choose the magic but chooses…"
"The worthy," she whispers like a giddy child. "Yes, it's true they sense your magic and if it's powerful, they crave it in partnership with their own. If they deem the wielder unworthy, however, it's not because of their lack of magic, or even type of magic, but because of their heart and their lack of character."
I let that new information settle before asking, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Ask away."
"Were you upset you weren't able to fight in the Great War?"
She inhales deeply, as if mulling over her words carefully; a trait she clearly passed on to Atlas. "When the Great War began, I was heavily pregnant with Nyx and couldn't go. It was strange. I had been training my entire life to defend my country and when I was needed, I was left behind. But I realized I hadn't been left because I was unworthy. I was left behind because I had a more important job than going to war. I was to defend our homeland should our frontlines fall. I protected my sons. Comforted and grieved with my people who lost loved ones. Ensured our children continued going to the School of Magic to hone their affinities should they be needed in battle. I kept our city going when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and not wake up. I worried about Rafe and Soren every day and would wait at the docks for the ship to arrive with our bi-monthly correspondence carrying the list of names of the fallen. I scoured the names, flying past dozens, hundreds even, just to make sure I didn't see Rafe and Soren's names.
"While they fought our enemies, I kept our people from falling apart. I made sure that when our people returned to our shores that they returned to the home they remembered, and not to a ghost of what used to be."
I have no words. This woman is far stronger than I originally realized. Sure, her fire wielding is powerful, and she has hands-down the most terrifying Transcendent state I've heard of so far, but she carried an entire nation upon her back. She woke up each and every day and put the needs of her people and her children before her own fears and insecurities. She led a kingdom in her brother's absence and raised a family in her husband's stead. She fought for normalcy in a time of discord. No wonder her people hold her in such high regard.
"Speak your mind, Shaye." Her voice slices through my thoughts. "I can see you have a million questions running through that head of yours."
It's such a Nyx thing to say and it soothes me enough to open up to her.
"You intimidate me."
"Not really a question," she laughs. "You needn't fear me, girl. I won't harm you."
"I mean you no offense. I've always been so sure of myself. No one, not even your king, frightens me, but for some reason I just don't seem to understand, you do." It's the most honest and vulnerable thing I've probably ever admitted to someone, and it feels oddly good to speak the words aloud.
She tilts her head to the side, curiosity marring her features. "Are you sure you don't know why?"
By my clearly confused glance, she continues, "I don't know you, but I know Atlas, and he has never been one to get hung up on a girl."
My stomach drops.
"Until now."
My heart thunders inside my chest.
"Don't look so surprised, my dear. I've been watching you two all night. There is no doubt in my mind that he has feelings for you. It's you I'm not sure about." She squares her frame to mine, looks me up and down, and says, "I've heard so many things about you: you're the Midorian heir, you have rare celestial magic, you are engaged to a man who might very well unleash a demon king hellbent on conquering our realm, and to top it all off, you don't even know if your parents are actually your parents."
"It doesn't sound like you care for me all that much."
"Quite the opposite," she grins, and it reminds me so much of Atlas. "I think you and I, if given more time to get to know one another, would be great friends. I want my sons to find partners who make them feel safe, loved and secure. Atlas is my firstborn son. He will always hold a special place in my heart. "
"I would never intentionally hurt your son."
"Of that, I have no doubt. What concerns me is you could shatter his heart without even knowing you've done it."
I take a small step back from her. "Why are you telling me this?"
