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I laugh when everyone else does, and feel the tension leave my body. In Midori, I never questioned if people wanted me to be around. I assumed they did because of my titles and honestly, even if they didn't want me to join their conversation or dance the night away at a party, I didn't care. It's funny how a couple of weeks away from a toxic environment will change one's perspective on everything, including one's own self-worth. I thought I had to be perfect to earn my parents' love and to keep Bastian's affection, but it turns out, they didn't love me the way they should have. They loved me on their terms and if I go back now, I'm sure they won't be welcoming me with open arms. They will keep me at an arm's length, making sure I earn their favor again. I'm beginning to see their love for me was unhealthy and all they actually wanted was control. They've lied, manipulated and suppressed me, and I've allowed it to happen because at the end of the day, I just wanted them to be proud of me.
I feel like the blindfold was ripped off my eyes, the invisible shackles tying me down have been shattered and I'm finally free. As much as I miss my parents, and even Bastian, I have this sense of peace; like a burden I didn't even know I bore upon my shoulders has been tossed to the side and I can finally stand up straight.
I will always love them, but they will never control me again.
I glance around the table at this group of people, once my enemies, who have embraced me for everything I have to offer. All the good, bad and rotten, they have welcomed me and given me a place. They've given me a home, despite my shortcomings, and they've helped me see my true worth. I owe them a debt I know they will never expect me to pay.
I will not cry. I will not cry. I repeat it over and over again in my head.
I absentmindedly push my food around with my fork when Bastian's face pops into my head. His sweet, boyish smile flashes but there's blood splattered across his skin that causes my heart to jump. I forcefully shake his image from my thoughts. There's a possibility that everyone is wrong, and Bastian won't unleash Drogon and start another war. For starters, he would have to find where the portal used to be and then go through the painstaking task of putting the shattered pieces back together. Then again, I'm not sure it's even feasible to do. So, even though Atlas thinks I offered my life up on a silver platter to his uncle, I don't agree. I weighed the risks and I'm positive I came out on top.
"Are you not hungry tonight, Shaye?" Eris' sweet voice reaches across the table to me, and I quickly snap my head up.
I glance at my plate and she's right; I've barely touched any of it and it looks absolutely drool-worthy. "I'm sorry," I meet her concerned gaze and smile reassuringly. "I think I'm just tired from today."
Her face softens and she nods. "Of course. You've been through a lot."
"And just think, you start school tomorrow." Nyx lifts his wine glass to his lips. "I can't wait to go back," he says sarcastically, and while I wasn't nervous before, I am now.
"Why did you say it like that?" I ask, but before the hazy-eyed brother can explain himself, Atlas pushes his seat away from the table, his plate still full.
"I'll be back," is all he says as he stands and makes it to the front door in five long strides.
"Where are you going?" Nyx cries out, but Atlas doesn't answer.
Once the click of the lock echoes through the house, it's as if a signal is given and the rest of the table gives up on the rest of dinner.
"Did you want me to make you something else?" Finn extends his hand for my plate. I shake my head.
"I'm sorry, Finn."
"Why are you apologizing?" He quirks an eyebrow as he and Eris begin to clear the dishes.
"I didn't eat much and I'm sure you went through a lot of trouble to make such a beautiful spread."
"No need to apologize," he waves off my concern and throws a thumb where Atlas was sitting. "I'm used to it. Sometimes you've got a lot on your mind and lose your appetite." Finn snags my plate when I offer it to him. "If you get hungry later tonight, let me know and I'll make you a plate."
"Thank you," I smile.
"You're welcome." He returns my grin before he follows Eris into the kitchen.
"Well, Kitarni," Nyx stretches and stands to his feet. "I'm headed to bed. Get some rest, we have a bright and early morning – "
"Why did you say you couldn't wait to go back to school tomorrow? But in a sarcastic way?" My question draws his full attention. "Should I be worried about something?"
He pauses to think through his answer before saying, "I never liked school, and let's just say school didn't really like me either."
And just like that, I'm sitting at the dinner table alone. Despite everything that was said throughout the day, all I can think about now is where Atlas crept off to. My mind immediately jumps to him leaving to see a woman. I never considered he might be seeing someone in Tronovia. He does have a life here that I have no knowledge of, so it's quite possible that I've been shelved into the work category of his life. He was just as quiet as I was at dinner tonight, and even though I have no inkling of what was distracting him, I selfishly hope it wasn't thoughts about another woman.
Three
Shaye
After a much-needed bubble bath, I get dressed for bed and walk to my room. The fireplace has already been lit, so my quarters are nice and cozy the second I step inside. I slip underneath the soft quilt and lay my head on one of the fluffed pillows, but instead of being able to relax, I find my mind is wide awake.
Did I make a mistake in agreeing to the king's terms?
Could I have said something different or fought harder to make a more beneficial deal with him?
