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"Clearly, kissing in the open." I wave my hands around like I'm casting a spell before snatching a piece of pastrami and munching on it. "What if a student had caught us or Stars forbid, Headmistress Radcliffe?"
"Then they would have gotten quite the show," Eris teases and I swat at her.
"This isn't a joke, Eris."
"Did you enjoy yourself?"
"Eri -"
"Answer the question. Did you enjoy kissing Atlas?"
"Yes."
"Would you take back the kiss, if you could?"
I think about it for a few seconds before realizing that I wouldn't change a thing. Well, except maybe for leaving. His lips felt so good against mine. His hands caressing my thighs, slipping up my neck, raking through my hair – all sensations I crave to feel again.
"No."
"Well, there you have it. Maybe when he comes home tonight, or you see him tomorrow morning you talk to him."
"Or," I hold up a finger for dramatic effect, "we pretend it never happened."
"Very mature," Eris rolls her eyes. "At some point you're going to have to tell him how you feel."
"There's nothing to say. I find him attractive." I shrug. "He's smart. I'm sure he's realized that by now."
"I guess you're not ready to be honest with yourself."
"Speaking of honesty, when are you going to admit you actually have feelings for Finn?"
"What?" she giggles nervously. "I told you before, Finn and I are just really good friends."
"Is that why you look at him like he's the answer to every riddle?" I know she's scared to admit her true feelings and I would like nothing more than to reassure her that her feelings were reciprocated, but Finn's feelings aren't mine to divulge. He trusted me with private information and even though I'm bursting to tell my friend, I keep my mouth shut.
She takes a moment to respond, but finally says, "It's complicated."
"Ah ha!" I point at her in triumph. "So, you admit you do have feelings for him!"
She eyes me, "I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. And honestly, it's better if I keep that to myself."
Before I can ask her anymore questions on the matter, Finn returns, and the conversation quickly strays into neutral shop talk territory. For the rest of the afternoon, I enjoy watching Eris and Finn work together and learn more about the alphabetically organized vials as I help Finn restock. I finally understand why working in a shop like this might be peaceful for someone like Finn. It's methodical, repetitive, and the organization fills me with a sense of accomplishment when all is said and done. If my life wasn't aimed in a different direction, I might find myself happy working in a small shop like this. But that's not my path and I shake the glimmer of excitement away.
Even though I've managed to avoid thinking about him for a few hours, Atlas' face pops into mind. The gravity of kissing him finally hits me. I know the line we have been tip-toeing the last few weeks has now been crossed and I'm not sure what to say or do to smooth things over between us. If he's angry with me, I'll have to make it up to him. The idea of him ignoring me, or worse, handing me off to one of the other professors to continue my lessons with because it's now awkward between us, has me spiraling with worry. I take a deep breath to ground myself before finishing the last of the restocking while Finn and Eris close the store for the night.
Since I won't see him tonight, I'll have to face him tomorrow, and I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to say. Eris is right though. I did enjoy kissing him and if he allowed it, I would kiss him again. What I need is a nice relaxing bath to clear my head.
Fourteen
Shaye
Turns out, a bath doesn't help me relax at all because all I can think about is him.
And not just him, but his fire wielding parents. From what the brothers have told me, their parents live at the northern tip of the crescent and rarely make public appearances, especially once Rafe came home from the Great War with their Uncle Soren. They're private and powerful and I will dread the day I'm told I will have to meet them.
A fire breather and an incinerator. How terrifying. It's a true wonder they didn't use their Transcendent states to escape execution when Soraya refused to marry the man her father handpicked. Then again, if they had used their magic against the king, it would have sealed their fates and forever labeled them as traitors to the crown. Soren would have had no choice but to execute them for their crimes.
I inhale deeply and slip my head beneath the warm bathwater. I miss the feeling of being submerged in a pool, wading through the water, letting myself sink to the bottom before kicking back up to the surface. Swimming in the pools at the Golden Palace were some of my most peaceful moments and yet, I've had zero desire to swim since being here. Maybe it's because my schedule is already pretty full, or maybe it wasn't because I enjoyed swimming. Maybe I craved the ache in my lungs and the muffled sounds. The idea that nothing really mattered in that moment except being in tune with myself.
